Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Wow, you look good...

short hair suits you....hmmm...ever wonder if people tell you that because they feel obligated to make you feel good. I look in the mirror and I see a cancer patient..not some stunning woman with really really short hair. I guess it's because I didn't have a choice..and really..who is going to say ' wow, you look terrible with short hair'. Now that I go just about everywhere without my wig, I get lots of comments...but for some reason they don't make me feel better. I said to my friend on the weekend, after she and her husband both told me I shouldn't worry about how I look , because I look fine...unless you've went through this, there is just no way you could possibly understand how I feel! If it was my choice to cut my hair really short..then fine..but I didn't have that luxury..and quite frankly...I'm SICK of looking like a cancer patient! Wearing the wig meant I could blend in with everyone else, without being stared at like I've got some disease..oh wait, I do!!!!
Sean tells me all the time I look great, bless his heart..but again, would he say any different? I am meeting up with some friends next month, and part of the reason why I don't want to go is because of how I look. They all say they don't care how I look, it's what's inside that matters but I care...aren't I supposed to care? I wish I could hibernate until this was all over, come out looking the same as when I went in. Now, I've never been one to 'stress' about my looks...but this is different, again because I think all these changes were not my choice. I'll get over it, I'm tough, nothing a little red wine won't fix ;)
Today is my second last radiation treatment. I thought all was going well until the nurse noticed yesterday that the skin has broken and peeled under my breast. Well lucky me...why would I think I'd be special and not have one more crappy thing to experience....oh yeah, cause I'm tough and can handle it. My entire breast looks looks like a sunburn, doesn't feel like one though. It's not warm to touch. Freaky actually! It does get itchy, but can't scratch as that can irritate the skin as well. I haven't wore a bra in 3 weeks to try and prevent irritation but instead wear a camisole but that didn't seem to make a difference. I have a recipe for a salt water solution that I now have to apply at least 4 times a day and let air dry. Ok, did anyone mention I have a 13 year old at home..pretty sure she doesn't need to see her mom walking around topless 'air drying' the girls hahahahahahahaha!
Only two left, then the doc says the side effects get worse two weeks after the final treatment, then they'll start to get better...well bring it on...there is nothing I can't handle!!!!! I already have battle scars to prove I'm not going down without a fight...so hit me with all you've got!!!!
I will be back <3
Keep Smilin'

3 comments:

Suzanne said...

((((HUGS))) T!

Unity Wholesale Customer said...
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Denise Gay said...

You're right, no one can tell you how you feel, but we can certainly tell you how we feel about you and kiddo...we don't care what you look like, we just want your company. :)