Tuesday, November 29, 2011
My thoughts are that if I wanted these certain people to know what I type here, I'd tell them..plain and simple, and believe me the last thing I need is a bunch of text messages telling me I should be doing this or that and wanting to know details when that person isn't even a part of my life, just because someone else is.
Bottom line, I can't comfortably post whatever I want for fear of who might read it.
I realize I made this blog public, but believe me never thought I'd have to 'deal' with it on a personal level I guess. I could make it private, which is an option. If you are interested in still reading it , let me know and I think about making it private.
I'm sure we all have things we just want to say without worrying about it being misunderstood, or having someone we really don't want to read it, read it.
Sean was and still is my #1 sounding board, but with him now on the road, it makes it tough. The last thing I want to do is vent to him while he's driving in bad weather or in the US. It costs us so much to communicate while he's across the boarder, and this was my place to fill that void when he couldn't do it for me.
Anyway, I fear now I'm babbling...It's been fun..and like I said, if you are interested, I'll consider making it private for those that care
Monday, November 28, 2011
I'm thinking I need to sell our house and move to an island somewhere, but it'll be somewhere warm...so I can sit with my toes in the water and my ass in the sand, not a worry in the world with a cold beer in my hand LOL..what do you think??
Gotta get back to work..have a good one
Sunday, November 27, 2011
I must admit I lost faith ( although I've never been very religious) when I was diagnosed. I'm not sure if it was just self pity, but I thought that Sean and I had been through and survived more then most couples, so why were we being hit again? I'm thinking it was just so we could appreciate what we did have, which was each other. An online friend Michelle commented on my last post saying that someone once told her that if someone dies young, it's because his/her job here is done and God called them back. It makes perfect sense, but sure doesn't make it easier when it happens.
I'm not sure if I've mentioned this, but I re-joined Weight Watchers in July. I needed to be held accountable for my weight loss and so far it's been awesome. I've lost 20 lbs since July and a total of 30 so far ( I'd already lost 10 on my own before joining WW) I have at least 20 more to lose but I'm so pumped. Sean has promised me a trip south next winter if I can lose the weight I want to. I love this incentive...so believe me, it's going to happen!!!
Sean is loving his job driving truck. He'd love to be home during the week, that's the only part of the job he doesn't like, but for the most part, he does love the rest. It's not bothering his back too much, so we are both quite happy. We are hoping to be back on track with our bills after Christmas. We are still pretty far behind, but working on it and that's what matters.
Speaking of Christmas, it's not very far away...I've started my shopping. I know pretty much what I need to get for most of the people on my list (thank goodness my list is short!!! ) and plan on working on it in the next two weeks and get r' done!!
Anyway...spending the last night with Sean before he heads back out on the road, so I'll have to catch you all later
Remember, live every day like it's your last...no regrets!!
Friday, November 25, 2011
It's funny, I've had Sean around for 17 years...so I've never had to worry about getting anywhere on my own. Now that he's gone, I need to navigate to my appointments myself. The first one was the Barrie hospital...to most that would be a piece of cake but to me, who never paid any attention before, needed step by step directions on how to get there. Of course, Sean gave me the directions and I as fine. Now, I can go without help.
I did however have a bit of anxiety about navigating to Princess Margaret in Toronto. I have NEVER had to drive anywhere remotely close to Toronto. I used to work in Brampton and use to navigate around there pretty good, but still....you get 'lazy' when you don't have to bother. I had amazing directions from a friend who has to go once a year and those directions took me exactly where I needed to go. I have went twice now and have it down pat. I even know how to get myself out of the city and to Bolton to a scrapbook store. It's an amazing little store www.onecrazystamper.com
The last few weeks have been a bit tough. I've been close friends with Peggy...she's actually my ex husbands aunt. We hit it off when I first met her. She stood up with my ex husband and I when we married and actually was my matron of honour when I married Sean. One of her daughters , Jennifer had her first diagnosis with cancer 12 years ago. Soooooo young. She fought it and beat it. She was clear for 10 years. In the 10 year, they found another tumor but it was small enough they were able to just go in and remove it. She was having her 6 month check ups when they found a few spots on her lungs and her liver. She fought a good fight but unfortunately didn't win the fight and passed away on November 11, 2011. She passed on 11-11-11 and was born on the 11th of a month..It was an emotional funeral. I was alone ( I went with friends but not the same) as Sean was on the road. I really don't like seeing so many people I care about so sad.
I'm sure I've mentioned that I'm a volunteer with Victim Services. I took a leave from my duties when I got Cancer. One of the 'head' ladies Sue emailed me and said she wanted to keep in touch. She too was a cancer survivor , having battled two different diagnosis' of Lymphoma. We emailed back and forth a bit, keeping tabs on each other. She evenutally resigned from victim services but emailed me saying she wanted to stay in touch. I sent her an email in August, letting her know I was free and clear and her response was this " I'm so glad to here that. It's ironic that you would email me today, I was just diagnosed with bladder cancer" ..my heart sank. At first she wasn't going to fight it, as the diagnosis wasn't good..but after a couple weeks, she decided she was going to do her best to kick cancers ass AGAIN! A mutual friend has been keeping us updated as things went on. She went in for surgery , and came out without her bladder, urethra, uterus, ovaries, lymph glands and part of the vagina. It's hard to even fathom that cancer could destroy so much of such a vibrant young woman. She was determined to fight. It's been stated that this cancer was likely caused by the chemo she had in 2002. Yes, even the treatments that save you, can kill you.
She's had a slow recovery, and even ended up with an intestinal blockage. She was admitted to Orangeville hospital and the humour in this is that the only private room they had was in the childrens ward. She ended up with the Disney Cars room. This suited Sue to a T....I'm sure it keeps you cheery if nothing else.
They worked with her to try and get the blockage fixed..but nothing worked.They finally decided they needed to operate to remove the blockage. They went in on Thursday the 24th. I received an email in the late evening saying that once they opened her up, they discovered her body was full of cancer. They couldn't do anything. It's been said before that sometimes once the oxygen hits cancer it's spreads like wildfire. Probably what happend with her first surgery. I seriously had a melt down last night...I"m a VERY strong person..but this just got to me. Sue is only in her 40's as well..it's just not fair. Explain to me that if there is a god, why are such good people being taken so young, when bad people die of old age??
The one thing that has been on my mind constantly is this " how many people do you know, that have had cancer, die of old age???? for me the answer is NONE..kinda makes ya wonder and makes me feel like I'm behind the 8 ball ALL THE TIME
I wish I could convince people in my life to live every day like it's their last. That's not a bad thing, but it does mean that you wake up every day with a smile, and face everything holding your head high ....it's what I try to do. Life's tough, but you only get once chance at making it the best it can be.
Sorry for such a long post, I sort of backed away from my blog...might try to post more often, we'll see
Sunday, October 23, 2011
I took last week off work and hitched a ride with Sean in his transport. It was AMAZING...I loved being with him , seeing him work. We left last Sunday afternoon and arrived back home at 10pm Friday night. Sean excels at everything he does, it never matters what it is, he is just amazing at everything he does. He's wanted to drive a truck for so long, and he's a natural at it. It's tough to be away from him all week, but seeing him so happy, somehow makes it easier. I do have a new appreciation for truck drivers though.
People get so pissed off at truck drivers. I saw Sean put his signal on to change lanes and the cars just ignored him. He had to switch lanes, so he did exactly that...then the guy in the car, sped up, cut in front of us and then hit his brakes. Seriously?? We are in 70ft of truck and trailer weighing over 60 000 lbs...and this guy is hitting his brakes literally right in front of us. I can't believe that people are this stupid to think a truck and trailer can stop on a dime. I was soo impressed when we were stopped at a light, and we had to make a tight left hand turn...and the guy that pulled up in the other lane actually stopped back far enough for us to turn without any issues. We waved and smiled...it was so nice to see someone with a brain!
REMEMBER...consider the truck driver, he's not going slow to piss you off, you have no idea how much weight he has in his trailer. If he could, he'd love to go from 0 to 90 km in a few seconds...but he can't..just think about the other person!!!
Last week we left on Sunday, and went to Parry Sound. We then went to Callander , then North Bay then to Timmins. (nope, didn't see Shania Twain, but I was looking ;) ) From Timmins we went back to North Bay, then over to Quebec for a load, then back to North Bay then down to Mississauga with the load. We then went to Whitby for our next load..a trailer full of LCBO...sweeeeeeeeeeet!! We had to take that load to Thunder Bay which is just over 16 hours north. We stopped in Port Sydney and slept..a truck driver in Canada can only drive for 13 hours at the most in a 24 hour day. We made it to Thunder Bay the next night and slept in the McKevitt yard. We then got our next load, I was hoping for a US run, but no such luck this week. We had to take our next load back to Mississauga. We took one way up to the bay, so we took the scenic route back to Mississauga. We stopped a few times for pictures and pee breaks...it was awesome. We drove approximately 4400 km's or 2800 miles.
On Thursday, it was Sean's 45th birthday. I do think I'm going to go with him every single year on his birthday. We stopped in Wawa on our way south from Thunder Bay. We wanted to grab a bite to eat and we found this little Inn, with a restaurant/bar. We parked across the road and went in. It was sooooo cool .It had a floor to ceiling fire place and it was soooo relaxed..the old style bar. A couple pool tables, country music on the radio..it was just awesome. When I mentioned Sean's birthday to the waitress...next thing I knew the entire staff (which was like 5 people) came out with a little piece of cake, some ice cream and a candle stuck in the middle...they sang happy birthday. And you know what made it the best???? Sean has told me a couple times that , that was one of the best birthdays he's ever had!!
Sean left again today at about 4pm...it never gets easier. I miss him so much, I don't have the words to even explain. I do believe that it's a special kind of love that after 17 years makes my heart ache when he's gone.
I'm heading to Toronto on Wednesday for my 6 month check up. I'm sure surgeon will be happy. Since January, I've lost 30 lbs...I know..wicked eh!!! I still have approx 30 lbs to go to be at my ideal weight...and I'm so pumped to get there. It feels so good to have loose clothing. I actually put a fleece top on yesterday and looked in the mirror. It looked huge...so I took it off...crazy, but it looked terrible because it was so big. I'm so happy...I can't wait to be back to the weight I should be.
Anyhow..must run..sorry it's taken so long to update my blog. For any of you still reading, I appreciate it....
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
It's the first thing you think of when you wake up and the last thing you think of when you go to sleep at night.
Here is my soul, recharged
This girl, she..
has been dissected, ripped and turned into a disaster
This girl, she..has filled her veins with poison in the name of health
This girl, she...
is endlessly reminded of death due to the scars near her hear
This girl, she...
finds dizzying comfort in a dinner plate.
This girl, she...
says thanks for the dark times--
leaving room for the light.
This girl, she...
thirsts to recognize the girl in the mirror.
This girl, she wants to be whole again.
This girl, she tries not to escape grace.
This girl, grateful for every day that she wakes up , and can face life head on.
Never underestimate the power of your soul xoxoxoxo
Friday, September 16, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Sean is finally living one of his dreams. On August 15th, he started working for McKevitt Trucking out of Thunder Bay. He's training with a friend of ours that works there for two weeks, then he'll be given his own truck. It'll look something like the one in this picture.
So, what does this mean for Reece & I? Well...it's going to take some getting used to. I've seen Sean just about every single day for over 17 years. So, now to not see him at all for 5+ days at a time is tough. Reece has also had her dad every day of her life. Sean hasn't worked since October 2008 when he hurt his back so we were quite spoiled.
We'll be fine, that I have no doubt..it's just an entirely new routine for all of us. I do think it'll be good for Reece and I to spend more time with each other , just the two of us.
We need to get Reece her passport so she can go with her dad on Christmas break and during the summer. He's long haul so most likely every week he'll end up in the states somewhere. It'll be fun for her to see some of the world. I know for me, I'm really looking forward to going with him!
Me, I'm doing good. I have my routine echo cardiogram tomorrow, but other then that I think the fatique is slowly subsiding and life is once again 'normal' . It'll be different for me to drive to my appointments, Sean always drove..EVERYWHERE so this is another new thing, for me to learn to navigate places I've never had to navigate to before.
I'm sure I'll get back to blogging again too. I was away from the computer for a while , knowing Sean would be leaving I've been spending as much time as I could with him so the computer took a back seat.
Hard to believe summer is almost over. In just two weeks my baby girl starts high school. She's excited and nervous but I just keep telling her she'll do fine.
Gotta run, I'm at work and really should be 'working' lol
Monday, August 1, 2011
This Christmas is going to be so much fun with two babies!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Krystal changed her Facebook picture to this one today and it just made my heart melt.
I just had to share. I can't wait to get pictures printed, hopefully next week and get scrappin some layouts of this adorable little boy!!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
This was kept a secret from Reece, so when Mr Barron started talking Sean and I were grinning from ear to ear knowing what was about to happen. He said in the 11 years he's been teaching no student has ever done what this student did. The kids started to look at Reece , I guess they had a feeling. Then he said that this student has never missed one single day of school since kindergarten...well the parents in the crowd were amazed. Reece knew then it was her he was talking about. He then called her name and we were so happy for her. It's a huge accomplishment! She still says she's going right to grade 12 without missing one single class!.
Another surprise was that Krystal and Noah came to see her graduate. She had no idea they were coming either so it was an awesome surprise!!
We also went camping on the long weekend with two other couples. It was fun and relaxing. We never really do much except sit around chatting, but that was nice. We missed out on camping last year because of my fight with Cancer so getting to go once again was great!!
Our trailer needs some floor repairs, so Sean is going to work on that and I think we plan on selling it. I actually think I know someone that might be interested in it as well, so even better!!
We are off this weekend to visit a bunch of gals in St. Catharines. Christa , Shannon and Chelle and their families. It'll be fun and I'm sure a bunch of laughs! Christa took over
on July 1st. Check it out, her kits are absolutely amazing and reasonably priced too!! I'm sure there will be tons of laughs so we are really looking forward to it.
One last update...I joined Weight Watchers FINALLY this past Tuesday. I've been talking about it for months butn ever seemed to have the money. Well I figured if I worked 2 extra hours on the day of the meetings, it would cover my fees and then some. Perfect..time to get my skinny on. I'm so pumped!!!
Alrighty, gotta run. Big Brother is starting soon.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
and here we are...4 generations.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
My grandson is in there!!!!!!!The hand on the right is Krystal's, the one on the left is Jeremy's.
What an perfect picture!!
I have debated over the last few days on whether or not to continue with my blog. This was my place to say what I want, when I want , however I want. Unfortunately there have been a couple instances where people have assumed I'm speaking about them, and instead of simply asking me , they've taken it upon themselves to be confrontational with me.
This is one of the things that has been said to me
"If you are putting your feelings out there for the world to see, you should accept people's reactions to it, good or bad"
I disagree. Unless I specifically say a person's name, no one should just assume it's about them until they ask. I am not doing this for people's opinions.
It's funny...another friend said I shouldn't let 'one bad apple' stop me from blogging. How true!!
I started this blog to be able to type out whatever I wanted, to get my feelings out there. I can type much faster then I can write, which is why I chose to do it this way.
I will say that my life has changed a lot since December of 2009 when I discovered I had cancer. I knew right there and then that I was going to fight with whatever means I had to make sure I was here for my family. This year has so far given us some great things, but we have also lost some family members with others in a fragile state.
Sean has lost both a grandfather and grandmother and an uncle in a span of 2 months. He only has one grandmother left. We've spent a lot of time running back and forth to her house , which unfortunately is 2 hours away from where we live. It's time consuming and tiring but it's something we all do for family.
I will continue to blog, and all that I ask is that if you read something, and think there is a chance it's about you, please feel free to ask. I'll be honest..I have no reason not to be. I do however ask that you don't jump down my throat until you do know the truth. I also want to thank those that continue to read my entires and follow me :) I appreciate you all more then you'll ever know!
Onward and upward for 2011 and beyond...and like Dr. Suess said
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
This blog hop will run from today, April15th – April 17th.
We will be drawing for winner on April 18th. Follow along in our blog hop! Your next stop is back at Scrap~tures
Make sure you have left a comment on every single blog in the hop to be eligible for the prize!!!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
The one good thing is that the people that are taking her only live about 20 minutes from us. We can go see her whenever we want. I'll be able to keep tabs on her, and make sure she's ok. It doesn't make it slightly easier then just giving her to strangers. I know these people will take care of her and give her as much love as we have.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
We are looking for people to be guest team members for a month. That's it..no long term commitments. In exchange for a free kit, you need to create with it..simple as that.
Every scrapbook style is welcomed. Each person has their own style and we want to showcase it!
You can choose from either a card kit or a scrapbook kit. Both kits are amazing and contain the latest and greatest of products.
You DO NOT need to become a forum member either. We also understand that not everyone likes to be a part of a forum...that's ok! All we ask is that you have a blog or Facebook so you can post the creations you've made using our kit.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Here is Reece with both of her grandparents
When we got there, Grandma showed us a piece of paper, outlining the results of the tests Grandpa had just had. His prostate cancer had spread to his liver , and his bones. The doctors hadn't really been checking him and for what reason, we'll never know. When the doctor got the results all he could say was sorry. That's comforting.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Good thing is that his premiums will drop once he gets his full 'G', and when he turns 19, 21, 23 and 25(as long as he behaves LOL)
only 43 days until spring!!!!