Friday, November 25, 2011

no patience for waiting...

I went for my routine 6 month check up..had a mammogram on November 11th. I'm assuming if there was something wrong I would have heard by now, but seriously..I'm still a little worried. I think I'll have to call Monday to get the official word. Just need confirmation.

It's funny, I've had Sean around for 17 I've never had to worry about getting anywhere on my own. Now that he's gone, I need to navigate to my appointments myself. The first one was the Barrie most that would be a piece of cake but to me, who never paid any attention before, needed step by step directions on how to get there. Of course, Sean gave me the directions and I as fine. Now, I can go without help.

I did however have a bit of anxiety about navigating to Princess Margaret in Toronto. I have NEVER had to drive anywhere remotely close to Toronto. I used to work in Brampton and use to navigate around there pretty good, but get 'lazy' when  you don't have to bother. I had amazing directions from a friend who has to go once a year and those directions took me exactly where I needed to go. I have went twice now and have it down pat. I even know how to get myself out of the city and to Bolton to a scrapbook store. It's an amazing little store

The last few weeks have been a bit tough. I've been close friends with Peggy...she's actually my ex husbands aunt. We hit it off when I first met her. She stood up with my ex husband and I when we married and actually was my matron of honour when I married Sean. One of her daughters , Jennifer had her first diagnosis with cancer 12 years ago. Soooooo young. She fought it and beat it. She was clear for 10 years. In the 10 year, they found another tumor but it was small enough they were able to just go in and remove it. She was having her 6 month check ups when they found a few spots on her lungs and her liver. She fought a good fight but unfortunately didn't win the fight and passed away on November 11, 2011. She passed on 11-11-11 and was born on the 11th of a month..It was an emotional funeral. I was alone  ( I went with friends but not the same) as Sean was on the road. I really don't like seeing so many people I care about so sad.

I'm sure I've mentioned that I'm a volunteer with Victim Services. I took a leave from my duties when I got Cancer. One of the 'head' ladies Sue emailed me and said she wanted to keep in touch. She too was a cancer survivor , having battled two different diagnosis' of Lymphoma. We emailed back and forth a bit, keeping tabs on each other. She evenutally resigned from victim services but emailed me saying she wanted to stay in touch. I sent her an email in August, letting her know I was free and clear and her response was this " I'm so glad to here that. It's ironic that you would email me today, I was just diagnosed with bladder cancer" heart sank. At first she wasn't going to fight it, as the diagnosis wasn't good..but after a couple weeks, she decided she was going to do her best to kick cancers ass AGAIN! A mutual friend has been keeping us updated as things went on. She went in for surgery , and came out without her bladder, urethra, uterus, ovaries, lymph glands and part of the vagina.  It's hard to even fathom that cancer could destroy so much of such a vibrant young woman. She was determined to fight. It's been stated that this cancer was likely caused by the chemo she had in 2002. Yes, even the treatments that save you, can kill you.

She's had a slow recovery, and even ended up with an intestinal blockage. She was admitted to Orangeville hospital and the humour in this is that the only private room they had was in the childrens ward. She ended up with the Disney Cars room. This suited Sue to a T....I'm sure it keeps you cheery if nothing else.

They worked with her to try and get the blockage fixed..but nothing worked.They finally decided they needed to operate to remove the blockage. They went in on Thursday the 24th. I received an email in the late evening saying that once they opened her up, they discovered her body was full of cancer. They couldn't do anything. It's been said before that sometimes once the oxygen hits cancer it's spreads like wildfire. Probably what happend with her first surgery. I seriously had a melt down last night...I"m a VERY strong person..but this just got to me. Sue is only in her 40's as's just not fair. Explain to me that if there is a god, why are such good people being taken so young, when bad people die of old age??

The one thing that has been on my mind constantly is this " how many people do you know, that have had cancer, die of old age???? for me the answer is NONE..kinda makes ya wonder and makes me feel like I'm behind the 8 ball ALL THE TIME

I wish I could convince people in my life to live every day like it's their last. That's not a bad thing, but it does mean that you wake up every day with a smile, and face everything holding your head high's what I try to do. Life's tough, but you only get once chance at making it the best it can be.

Sorry for such a long post, I sort of backed away from my blog...might try to post more often, we'll see

Keep Smilin'


Michelle said...

Oh Gosh, Teresa, I am so sorry to hear about your friends. I can't even begin to imagine all that you are feeling right now. Sending hugs up to you! Cancer is a funny thing. To answer your question, I know one person who has beat cancer twice. She is in her 70's right now. First time was many years ago and she was considered terminal. Then, it came back.. lungs and kidney. This was about 7 or so years ago. She is doing ok. We had a neighbor die (age 31), a burn victim, 4 years ago. I couldn't believe he died burning 30% of his body, when others I have heard burned 80% or more and lived to talk about it. Someone told me that my neighbor's time here was done. He did what he was to do and God called him back. I agree, it does seem so unfair that we lose friends at such young ages, even with that explanation. Thinking of you!!! HUGS

Chelle said...

You know we love you and are here for you. Too much to say and no words for me to say it.

Wendance Designs said...

Cancer just plain sucks. I am sorry to hear about your friends. I am still thinking of you and hope you get positive news. Keep us posted. My mom is now palliative and I can't believe it is true. She has beat it twice and this time the liver is just too damaged. It is such a horrible disease.