Just 'T'

Weekends are simply the best!!

2012-01-29T18:14:00.002-05:00

For most it's because we don't have to work, and yes I guess that's part of it, but for me it's because Sean is home :) He got home yesterday morning around 10:30am and we are now parking his tractor at our friends place just a few minutes from where we live. We went over yesterday, went in and started chatting then we stayed until about 1:30 in the morning. We were looking after our grandson Noah , so I had Krystal bring him to Dayle and Kevin's. We had lunch and dinner, and boy did we talk...about just about everything. It was really a lot of fun. We had a bit of a blizzard all evening, but I drove home in it and was pretty proud of myself for being able to do that actually.

Noah was really good. He's now on a bottle, which is so much easier for the rest of us to look after him. He's so darn cute! We put him to bed at Dayle and Kevin's, woke him up , had to play a bit wit him. Grandpa talked like Donald Duck to him, and the smile on his face was huge! Put him back to bed I think around 2am. He woke up at 3:30, I put him in bed with us (I was exhausted!) and he slept until 8:30 this morning!

Sean is now trying to fix our SUV..it has air suspension and the air bag is leaking so it won't hold the air. It's an awful bouncy ride without suspension, so he's working on putting regular springs into it. We weren't going to both fixing it, but we can't leave it for a couple of months like this, and that's when I'll likely be able to drive our little pick up again, once the snow is gone. The plan is to buy a new or new to us pick up truck in the spring if we can.

I also plan on being caught up with our bills by the end of February so we will be right back on track, to where we were when Sean got hurt over 3 years ago!

Well I finally figured out how the Cuttlebug works. I've been frustrated with it for over a week. The stupid thing is, I've had it since last May but didn't do anything with it except remove it from the box and put it into storage. Finally pulled it out, and with some perseverance, I figured out how to use it. I am looking forward to using it more often. I wish I could have it out all the time, but just isn't room to do that. I'm still in just a wee corner of our unfinished basement.

I've started to scrap more, I'd like to start making more cards too, maybe try and sell some , who knows.

I'm also going to work seriously on my mortgage business. I did another one for a friend that closed last Tuesday! I'm so pumped when I get someone interested, it's just too bad they are few and far between at this point, but everything takes time.

Anyway, gotta run, it's 6:30pm and I think my dinner (barbecued ribs) should soon be done

have a great evening

Keep Smilin'

Warning Vent enclosed

2012-01-19T18:49:00.003-05:00

So, I'm sure most of you remember the 60km walk I did last September to benefit the Princess Margaret Hospital. I walked with a friend Nicole and together we raised about $4500. They had sign ups for 2012 at that walk with a registration fee of only $10. We paid a $50 registration fee last year so we both signed up. Nicole said she started this with me and would always continue to walk with me, regardless of who signed up.

Then I'm pretty sure I mentioned I had a couple of friends, both in their 40's pass away from Cancer, one in November and one in December. Well the one in November was a former family member (My first husband was her cousin) She'd battled cancer for 12 years and passed away at 41 years old. She didn't have a 'women's cancer, she had a tumor in her stomach originally, that spread to her liver and lungs in the end. Anyway, while at her funeral, they played the Martina McBride song "I'm gonna love you through it" which is a song written by a guy for his mother in law who battled breast cancer. The entire song is amazing and actually brought tears to both mine and Sean's eyes. It's sooooo close to me except for the age of the woman, and the outcome of her surgery,but everything is is bang on. Anyway, I found it sort of inappropriate at Jen's funeral because Jen didn't have breast cancer. Someone even whispered behind me while the song played about how Jen didn't have breast cancer, why would they play that song.

Here's a link to the song in case you haven't heard it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYNOXRifXKQ&ob=av2e

Anyway, Jen's sister, sister in law and family friend have all signed up to do the walk this year. That's fine, I'm glad, it's more money for an amazing hospital that helped save my life as well as countless others. I sort of wondered why when the sister joined , she didn't join my 'team' but thought, no big deal. I read the sister's welcome page on the end cancer site, and she has said she's walking in memory of her sister. I found this a little odd, since Jen didn't have a women's cancer but whatever...carry on.

When Nicole and I signed up for this coming year, we'd said we'd love to raise $5000 each, as this year is the 10th year for the walk, and we thought it would be cool to raise $10 000 as a team.

Today I received a text message from Nicole stating that last year she walked with me FOR me and this year she'd like to walk with the sister in memory of Jen. I was sort of stunned, I mean seriously? I said "um, ok" then she asked me if I was going to as well. I said "what? Walk in memory of Jen" she said "yes" I didn't respond right away, I was still a little stunned. I guess she forgot what she'd said about always walking with me. So, I responded saying that I would NOT be walking in memory of Jen, that this was still a very big part of my life and it's still not over and never will be. I said that I didn't think it made sense to walk in memory of someone who didn't have any of the cancers that this walk benefits and that there were plenty of other walks and runs that benefit general cancers.

Well, I guess I've ticked her off, as her only response was " honestly I can't even comment and that's probably best"

So, I need your opinions...was I wrong in what I said? I talked with another friend today and she totally agrees with me. I said I wasn't sure why this is bugging me so much, and she said likely because I've been through it, I'm still going through it.

Maybe it's silly, but to have Nicole bail on me, to be able to walk for someone that didn't have one of the cancers this walk is for, really upset me.

I called Sean and spoke to him, he offered to walk with me this year. I don't think he'd be able to with his back, but he said he'd start walking on the treadmill. I really love that man!!!

Anyway, vent over, maybe I'm over reacting, I'll get over it.

Thanks for reading

Keep Smilin'

The Difference A Year Can Make

2012-01-17T20:16:00.002-05:00

I found the top picture on my computer, and thought Wow, what a change.It was taken January 2011 so I had Sean take a picture of me this week, one year later.

It's almost shocking!!!

I need my hair trimmed badly , but I wanted to share this. I'm going to scrapbook both these pictures together!

Have a great night

The Results Are In.........

2012-01-13T20:34:00.002-05:00

Ok, so before I tell you what they are, I'll tell you how it went. I called the surgeon's office last Monday. I left word that I was wondering if there were any results and the assistant said yes, she did have them, and that the doc would call me either today or tomorrow. I left a number where I could be reached, then I waited again. Well Monday came and went, so did Tuesday. So, Wednesday I waited until lunch time but just couldn't wait any longer. I called the office and got the assistant again. She said to wait a moment, that I was on her To Do list , and that she was to call me. She went and got my file....... a few seconds seemed to take forever!

Mary Rose came back and said " Everything is NORMAL" I swear it instantly felt like a HUGE weight was just lifted off my shoulders. I felt so awesome, I was even borderline hyper all afternoon!!

Thanks for all your good wishes and positive thoughts...they definitely helped!!
Next mammogram--April 2012

How Far Would You Go?

2012-01-07T17:56:00.002-05:00

So, Thursday evening, Reece was at her friends ( I dropped her off on my way to work Thursday morning) I worked until almost closing because I had no one to come home to. Sean was on his way back to Mississauga from Sudbury, but we had no idea what he'd be doing after that. The company has slowed down, and will for approx 3 weeks, typical January after Christmas. I got home, ate a chicken breast I had in the fridge. Sean said he'd call when he got to the yard, which he did, at about 7:45pm. He says they don't have a load for him that night...did I want to come spend the night with him. OH MY, I was so excited, I still get butterflies in my tummy when I know I'm going to see him. Funny thing is, we've been together for almost 18 years!

I grabbed a change of clothes and jumped in my truck and headed to Mississauga. From our place it's just over an hour.

We went to get something to eat, 1/2 price wing night at Kelsey's ...had a couple beers, since he wasn't driving it wasn't an issue. It was a totally awesome evening. It almost felt like we were teenagers on a date. Remember way back when you first started going out with your significant other, or a boyfriend you once had. You'd do almost anything to see them , well that's how I still feel about Sean. Sounds corny maybe, but I wish everyone could feel this way!!!

How far would you go to see your man??? I've done this a few times, even if just a few minutes. I think some people think I'm nuts, but I don't think so!

So, since I don't work Fridays, I wasn't in a rush to leave. I spent the entire day in Mississauga with Sean. He had to take his truck over to a place to get the APU fixed. That's the unit that heats his bunk. I met him there, and we just wondered around Costco to kill time. We had to find a Staples too, so I could fax papers for a mortgage I'm doing to the office which took some time too. If I hadn't of been there he would have had to sit in the lounge waiting on his truck. It wasn't ready until 4:30 , he dropped it off at 11:30! The dispatcher in Mississauga, both the day shift and afternoon shift are friends of ours, so we chatted with them for a bit. Went on a coffee run for the dispatchers and the security guard. It was just a fun day. We found out once his truck was done that they weren't sending him back out until Monday, so we could go home. He took the truck home, so I followed him out of the city, stopped in Shelburne to pick Reece up and then came home. It was just one of those days that everything is unplanned, a play by ear kind of day.

Today has been a fairly lazy day too. We did a bit of grocery shopping, had to meet up with the broker in my office to give her a couple documents then home. We have a 10lb chicken on our barbecue and I'm watching Reece play WII. I'm trying not to think about the MRI results. I have a feeling that everything is fine, but still in the back of my mind I have to be realistic and realize that there could be a problem. Hopefully this week I'll know!

We have no plans for tomorrow, just one of those days!!

Have a great weekend!!

Keep Smilin'

WOOOHOOOOO ONLINE CROP!!!

2012-01-06T20:40:00.003-05:00

OK Ladies ( and gents if there are any)

IF YOU SCRAPBOOK YOU NEED TO SEE THIS :)

From January 20 - 22 SCRAP~TURES is holding an online crop to get the year

started off on the right foot.

The theme is OLD MOVIE TITLES

You will have until Wednesday January 25th to get your layouts uploaded to our gallery.

It's going to be lots of fun, lots of challenges, a few games thrown in for good measure.

Even if you aren't a member of our site, sign up know, and join in the fun!!!

See You there

Hurry Up & Wait...again

2012-01-04T21:38:00.003-05:00

Today was MRI day. One would think that with all the technology, those darn things would be comfortable to lay in for half an hour. For anyone that has had one, breast MRI's are different. You don't get to lay on your back and just relax. You have to lay on your stomach for half an hour, your hands above your head but not touching each other. Your boobs are hanging in two holes and your breast bone is laying on a hard metal piece of the machine. Sure, they have a piece of foam on there to cushion it somewhat, but it's like laying on a blanket on a cement floor, doesn't really do much..know what I mean LOL

The technician was a sweet girl, I get into position , then she says "I have to touch your breasts to make sure they are in the right position. Don't worry, there is no pinching or squeezing, just moving them slightly, but my hands are cold". I seriously laughed out loud. I've had so many mammograms that another pinch or squeeze is nothing!

I'm tough and so are my breasts!!

Breasts of STEELE

(that's my last name, in case some of you didn't know ;) )

By the time the MRI was done, both my hands and wrists were 'asleep' What a weird feeling!

So now it's a waiting game. I'm giving the doc a week, then I'm calling. I think the biggest fault I have is NO PATIENCE!!

Heading to bed, have a great night all!

Keep Smilin'

Back To Routine..

2012-01-02T12:47:00.002-05:00

The holidays are over and now it's time to get back to normal. Sean left a couple of hours ago for his week. He's headed to Pennsylvania. Hopefully the weather is a bit nicer there then here. It was nice to spend so much time with him over the holidays but now it's back to reality and back to trying to get on our feet.

It's also time to get back to losing the weight I so need to lose. I quite enjoyed the last couple of weeks with food, wine , beer and chocolate but now it's time to get down to business LOL

I've actually started a layout today, if you can believe that. It's been forever. I issued a challenge over at Scrap~tures so I figured I'd better get my example done.

If any of you are looking for someplace to hang out, we'd love to have you join us!!

Well, back to the craft room...have a great day! Hopefully the weather isn't too bad where you are!

ONLY 78 days until spring ;)

Keep Smilin'

2012 ~ A New Year~

2012-01-01T17:25:00.003-05:00

I'm back :) I took your comments into consideration and you are all right...I need to not worry about the effect my posts have on others, they are my feelings and thoughts , so why hide them!!

2012 is a new year, a year full of possibilities, a year full of change and growth

I go for my MRI in 4 days..January 4th at 9:30 am at Mt Sinai in Toronto. I'm very positive that there is nothing wrong, and that they will discover that everything is fine and I'm still 100% cancer free.

This year is going to be about getting ourselves back on track financially. With Sean back to work, it should be fairly easy to do. Christmas of course took it's toll, so now with that out of the way, I can concentrate on getting our bills cleaned up, then work on paying back my parents.

I'm still a member of Weight Watchers, and to date have lost 32 lbs. I have aprox 25 more lbs to go. My goal is to have it gone by June. I plan to walk a lot more on the treadmill to achieve this goal.

I also plan to scrap more. I have lots of supplies begging to be used and lots of pictures needing to be scrapped.

We are also going to get this house fixed up like we intended 5 (almost 6) years ago when we purchased the house. The basement needs to be finished, the upstairs hardwood floors need to be sanded and re sealed. The outside of the house needs to be presssure washed and resealed too.

It's going to be a busy year, but a good one (providing my tests all come back ok!! )

Thanks to each and every one of you that wanted to see me continue with my blog. Thanks to my husband for standing by me through everything. You guys are all awesome and I'm totally grateful for having you in my life!!

Keep Smilin'

That's it...Done

2011-11-29T15:32:00.002-05:00

Well, it's been quite a while since I started this blog. It was a place for me to vent for the most part to no body or any body that would listen. Most of the time it was to people that I wasn't personally connected to. Unfortunately that has changed and it seems now I no longer have the freedom to speak about whatever I want without it apparently affecting some people in my personal life.

My thoughts are that if I wanted these certain people to know what I type here, I'd tell them..plain and simple, and believe me the last thing I need is a bunch of text messages telling me I should be doing this or that and wanting to know details when that person isn't even a part of my life, just because someone else is.

Bottom line, I can't comfortably post whatever I want for fear of who might read it.

I realize I made this blog public, but believe me never thought I'd have to 'deal' with it on a personal level I guess. I could make it private, which is an option. If you are interested in still reading it , let me know and I think about making it private.

I'm sure we all have things we just want to say without worrying about it being misunderstood, or having someone we really don't want to read it, read it.

Sean was and still is my #1 sounding board, but with him now on the road, it makes it tough. The last thing I want to do is vent to him while he's driving in bad weather or in the US. It costs us so much to communicate while he's across the boarder, and this was my place to fill that void when he couldn't do it for me.

Anyway, I fear now I'm babbling...It's been fun..and like I said, if you are interested, I'll consider making it private for those that care

Until then

Keep Smilin'

So..I made the call..

2011-11-28T15:26:00.002-05:00

assuming no news was good news only to be told they've put through a order for an MRI. Yeah OK, this just keeps getting better. Apparently there are still calcifications and she's ordered an MRI to rule out more cancer. Think positive, Think positive, Think positive...oh believe me I am, but with some of the stressors in my life right now It wouldn't surprise me one little bit if they found cancer. You can try to eliminate the stress in your life but it seems to find a way to creep back up and smack you in the face.

I'm thinking I need to sell our house and move to an island somewhere, but it'll be somewhere warm...so I can sit with my toes in the water and my ass in the sand, not a worry in the world with a cold beer in my hand LOL..what do you think??

Gotta get back to work..have a good one

Keep Smilin'

Hello You, Me Again

2011-11-27T20:01:00.003-05:00

My friend Sue passed away on Saturday afternoon. While I know it's better, she's no longer in pain and unfortunately her last few months were spent in quite a bit of pain , I'm sure she's the newest angel in heaven.

I must admit I lost faith ( although I've never been very religious) when I was diagnosed. I'm not sure if it was just self pity, but I thought that Sean and I had been through and survived more then most couples, so why were we being hit again? I'm thinking it was just so we could appreciate what we did have, which was each other. An online friend Michelle commented on my last post saying that someone once told her that if someone dies young, it's because his/her job here is done and God called them back. It makes perfect sense, but sure doesn't make it easier when it happens.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this, but I re-joined Weight Watchers in July. I needed to be held accountable for my weight loss and so far it's been awesome. I've lost 20 lbs since July and a total of 30 so far ( I'd already lost 10 on my own before joining WW) I have at least 20 more to lose but I'm so pumped. Sean has promised me a trip south next winter if I can lose the weight I want to. I love this incentive...so believe me, it's going to happen!!!

Sean is loving his job driving truck. He'd love to be home during the week, that's the only part of the job he doesn't like, but for the most part, he does love the rest. It's not bothering his back too much, so we are both quite happy. We are hoping to be back on track with our bills after Christmas. We are still pretty far behind, but working on it and that's what matters.

Speaking of Christmas, it's not very far away...I've started my shopping. I know pretty much what I need to get for most of the people on my list (thank goodness my list is short!!! ) and plan on working on it in the next two weeks and get r' done!!

Anyway...spending the last night with Sean before he heads back out on the road, so I'll have to catch you all later

Remember, live every day like it's your last...no regrets!!

keep smilin'

no patience for waiting...

2011-11-25T23:00:00.001-05:00

I went for my routine 6 month check up..had a mammogram on November 11th. I'm assuming if there was something wrong I would have heard by now, but seriously..I'm still a little worried. I think I'll have to call Monday to get the official word. Just need confirmation.

It's funny, I've had Sean around for 17 years...so I've never had to worry about getting anywhere on my own. Now that he's gone, I need to navigate to my appointments myself. The first one was the Barrie hospital...to most that would be a piece of cake but to me, who never paid any attention before, needed step by step directions on how to get there. Of course, Sean gave me the directions and I as fine. Now, I can go without help.

I did however have a bit of anxiety about navigating to Princess Margaret in Toronto. I have NEVER had to drive anywhere remotely close to Toronto. I used to work in Brampton and use to navigate around there pretty good, but still....you get 'lazy' when you don't have to bother. I had amazing directions from a friend who has to go once a year and those directions took me exactly where I needed to go. I have went twice now and have it down pat. I even know how to get myself out of the city and to Bolton to a scrapbook store. It's an amazing little store www.onecrazystamper.com

The last few weeks have been a bit tough. I've been close friends with Peggy...she's actually my ex husbands aunt. We hit it off when I first met her. She stood up with my ex husband and I when we married and actually was my matron of honour when I married Sean. One of her daughters , Jennifer had her first diagnosis with cancer 12 years ago. Soooooo young. She fought it and beat it. She was clear for 10 years. In the 10 year, they found another tumor but it was small enough they were able to just go in and remove it. She was having her 6 month check ups when they found a few spots on her lungs and her liver. She fought a good fight but unfortunately didn't win the fight and passed away on November 11, 2011. She passed on 11-11-11 and was born on the 11th of a month..It was an emotional funeral. I was alone ( I went with friends but not the same) as Sean was on the road. I really don't like seeing so many people I care about so sad.

I'm sure I've mentioned that I'm a volunteer with Victim Services. I took a leave from my duties when I got Cancer. One of the 'head' ladies Sue emailed me and said she wanted to keep in touch. She too was a cancer survivor , having battled two different diagnosis' of Lymphoma. We emailed back and forth a bit, keeping tabs on each other. She evenutally resigned from victim services but emailed me saying she wanted to stay in touch. I sent her an email in August, letting her know I was free and clear and her response was this " I'm so glad to here that. It's ironic that you would email me today, I was just diagnosed with bladder cancer" ..my heart sank. At first she wasn't going to fight it, as the diagnosis wasn't good..but after a couple weeks, she decided she was going to do her best to kick cancers ass AGAIN! A mutual friend has been keeping us updated as things went on. She went in for surgery , and came out without her bladder, urethra, uterus, ovaries, lymph glands and part of the vagina. It's hard to even fathom that cancer could destroy so much of such a vibrant young woman. She was determined to fight. It's been stated that this cancer was likely caused by the chemo she had in 2002. Yes, even the treatments that save you, can kill you.

She's had a slow recovery, and even ended up with an intestinal blockage. She was admitted to Orangeville hospital and the humour in this is that the only private room they had was in the childrens ward. She ended up with the Disney Cars room. This suited Sue to a T....I'm sure it keeps you cheery if nothing else.

They worked with her to try and get the blockage fixed..but nothing worked.They finally decided they needed to operate to remove the blockage. They went in on Thursday the 24th. I received an email in the late evening saying that once they opened her up, they discovered her body was full of cancer. They couldn't do anything. It's been said before that sometimes once the oxygen hits cancer it's spreads like wildfire. Probably what happend with her first surgery. I seriously had a melt down last night...I"m a VERY strong person..but this just got to me. Sue is only in her 40's as well..it's just not fair. Explain to me that if there is a god, why are such good people being taken so young, when bad people die of old age??

The one thing that has been on my mind constantly is this " how many people do you know, that have had cancer, die of old age???? for me the answer is NONE..kinda makes ya wonder and makes me feel like I'm behind the 8 ball ALL THE TIME

I wish I could convince people in my life to live every day like it's their last. That's not a bad thing, but it does mean that you wake up every day with a smile, and face everything holding your head high ....it's what I try to do. Life's tough, but you only get once chance at making it the best it can be.

Sorry for such a long post, I sort of backed away from my blog...might try to post more often, we'll see

Keep Smilin'

Wow, hard to believe

2011-10-23T20:23:00.000-04:00

Three years ago this past Saturday, Sean fell coming off our roof and broke his back. Hard to believe it was 3 years ago!! So much has changed in the last 3 years..but like someone once said...if things change, let them..and embrace them!

I took last week off work and hitched a ride with Sean in his transport. It was AMAZING...I loved being with him , seeing him work. We left last Sunday afternoon and arrived back home at 10pm Friday night. Sean excels at everything he does, it never matters what it is, he is just amazing at everything he does. He's wanted to drive a truck for so long, and he's a natural at it. It's tough to be away from him all week, but seeing him so happy, somehow makes it easier. I do have a new appreciation for truck drivers though.

People get so pissed off at truck drivers. I saw Sean put his signal on to change lanes and the cars just ignored him. He had to switch lanes, so he did exactly that...then the guy in the car, sped up, cut in front of us and then hit his brakes. Seriously?? We are in 70ft of truck and trailer weighing over 60 000 lbs...and this guy is hitting his brakes literally right in front of us. I can't believe that people are this stupid to think a truck and trailer can stop on a dime. I was soo impressed when we were stopped at a light, and we had to make a tight left hand turn...and the guy that pulled up in the other lane actually stopped back far enough for us to turn without any issues. We waved and smiled...it was so nice to see someone with a brain!

REMEMBER...consider the truck driver, he's not going slow to piss you off, you have no idea how much weight he has in his trailer. If he could, he'd love to go from 0 to 90 km in a few seconds...but he can't..just think about the other person!!!

Last week we left on Sunday, and went to Parry Sound. We then went to Callander , then North Bay then to Timmins. (nope, didn't see Shania Twain, but I was looking ;) ) From Timmins we went back to North Bay, then over to Quebec for a load, then back to North Bay then down to Mississauga with the load. We then went to Whitby for our next load..a trailer full of LCBO...sweeeeeeeeeeet!! We had to take that load to Thunder Bay which is just over 16 hours north. We stopped in Port Sydney and slept..a truck driver in Canada can only drive for 13 hours at the most in a 24 hour day. We made it to Thunder Bay the next night and slept in the McKevitt yard. We then got our next load, I was hoping for a US run, but no such luck this week. We had to take our next load back to Mississauga. We took one way up to the bay, so we took the scenic route back to Mississauga. We stopped a few times for pictures and pee breaks...it was awesome. We drove approximately 4400 km's or 2800 miles.

On Thursday, it was Sean's 45th birthday. I do think I'm going to go with him every single year on his birthday. We stopped in Wawa on our way south from Thunder Bay. We wanted to grab a bite to eat and we found this little Inn, with a restaurant/bar. We parked across the road and went in. It was sooooo cool .It had a floor to ceiling fire place and it was soooo relaxed..the old style bar. A couple pool tables, country music on the radio..it was just awesome. When I mentioned Sean's birthday to the waitress...next thing I knew the entire staff (which was like 5 people) came out with a little piece of cake, some ice cream and a candle stuck in the middle...they sang happy birthday. And you know what made it the best???? Sean has told me a couple times that , that was one of the best birthdays he's ever had!!

Sean left again today at about 4pm...it never gets easier. I miss him so much, I don't have the words to even explain. I do believe that it's a special kind of love that after 17 years makes my heart ache when he's gone.

I'm heading to Toronto on Wednesday for my 6 month check up. I'm sure surgeon will be happy. Since January, I've lost 30 lbs...I know..wicked eh!!! I still have approx 30 lbs to go to be at my ideal weight...and I'm so pumped to get there. It feels so good to have loose clothing. I actually put a fleece top on yesterday and looked in the mirror. It looked huge...so I took it off...crazy, but it looked terrible because it was so big. I'm so happy...I can't wait to be back to the weight I should be.

Anyhow..must run..sorry it's taken so long to update my blog. For any of you still reading, I appreciate it....

Keep Smilin'

Monkey always on your back.......

2011-09-21T22:36:00.000-04:00

I spoke with my father - in -law a while back and he said this damn cancer would always be a monkey on my back. I sort of fluffed it off..thinking...I'll be damned if I let it consume me. Now I'm thinking you don't have a choice.....

It's the first thing you think of when you wake up and the last thing you think of when you go to sleep at night.

Here is my soul, recharged
This girl, she..
has been dissected, ripped and turned into a disaster
This girl, she..has filled her veins with poison in the name of health
This girl, she...
is endlessly reminded of death due to the scars near her hear
This girl, she...
finds dizzying comfort in a dinner plate.
This girl, she...
says thanks for the dark times--
leaving room for the light.
This girl, she...
thirsts to recognize the girl in the mirror.
This girl, she wants to be whole again.
This girl, she tries not to escape grace.
This girl, grateful for every day that she wakes up , and can face life head on.

Never underestimate the power of your soul xoxoxoxo

Keep Smilin'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We Did It!!!

2011-09-16T17:31:00.001-04:00

We walked 60 kms last weekend for the Weekend To End All Women's Cancers!!

This is Nicole and I at the finish line.

It was tough, I found muscles I don't think have ever been used, but so what....it was for a great cause and well worth a few sore muscles. We even signed up for next year!!!!

Next year is the 10th anniversary for this walk so we want to raise at least $10 000!!!

I made my appointment today for my 6 month check up. Now the fun begins, because now with Sean driving a truck and my appointments are on Wednesday's..he won't be able to drive me. Pretty sure I'm going to give it a whirl on my own !!!!! Downtown Toronto...this should be good for a laugh LOL. I have until October 26th to figure it out..I'll be good..can't stay lost forever right LOL

Here's something to think about....

Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lo of happiness in the bank account of memories. Thank You for y our part in filling my memory bank. I am still depositing. Remember the 5 simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred

2. Free your mind from worries

3. Live Simply

4. Give more

5. Expect less.

Keep Smilin' :)

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm

2011-09-06T19:06:00.001-04:00

So...last week Sean did his orientation with the company he's working for . It went from Monday to Thursday. On Thursday Reece went to her orientation for high school. Check this out...

Sean and Reece--> Finish orientation on Thursday

Sean is given his truck --> #363

Reece pics her locker---> #636

Reece's locker is the same colour blue as the numbers on Sean's truck.

Sometimes you just wonder if things were just really meant to happen a certain way!

This weekend is the Weekend To End Women's Cancers in Toronto. It's the walk my girlfriend and I signed up to do. We are walking 60km's and had to raise $2000 each. We are both a wee bit short, but I've both faith that we'll have the money. We sleep in tents Saturday night and apparently the closing ceremonies are amazing. We went to a 'step in' meeting, which basically just outlined the weekend a couple of months back in Barrie. The lady told us of a man the year before, that at the opening ceremonies, he stood there with a pair of running shoes on a tray. He explained that his wife had done this walk the year before, but was no longer with him, as she lost her battle, so he was walking for her, and taking her shoes with him. OMG, the tears started. I can just imagine what'll happen when we are there.

ALSO a fun little tidbit..JOHNNY RIED..

yes the actual JOHNNY RIED has a team in the walk and is walking himself. HOW COOL IS THAT!!

So, that's it for now, this week is all about getting ready for the weekend.

have a good one and

KEEP SMILIN'

Nope, not getting easier

2011-08-28T12:09:00.002-04:00

This week is week 3 of Sean being away from home a lot. I just dropped him off at the airport because he's being flown to Thunder Bay where he'll do a few days of orientation then he'll be given his own truck to drive. I knew I would miss him, but never dreamed how hard this really is. I cried when I said good bye at the airport...I cried half way home. All I can say is , never take anything or anyone for granted. Make the best of each and every day because someday things might change and you'll really miss what you once had!

Keep Smilin'

Lots Of Changes Happening!!

2011-08-23T08:46:00.002-04:00

Sean is finally living one of his dreams. On August 15th, he started working for McKevitt Trucking out of Thunder Bay. He's training with a friend of ours that works there for two weeks, then he'll be given his own truck. It'll look something like the one in this picture.

So, what does this mean for Reece & I? Well...it's going to take some getting used to. I've seen Sean just about every single day for over 17 years. So, now to not see him at all for 5+ days at a time is tough. Reece has also had her dad every day of her life. Sean hasn't worked since October 2008 when he hurt his back so we were quite spoiled.

We'll be fine, that I have no doubt..it's just an entirely new routine for all of us. I do think it'll be good for Reece and I to spend more time with each other , just the two of us.

We need to get Reece her passport so she can go with her dad on Christmas break and during the summer. He's long haul so most likely every week he'll end up in the states somewhere. It'll be fun for her to see some of the world. I know for me, I'm really looking forward to going with him!

Me, I'm doing good. I have my routine echo cardiogram tomorrow, but other then that I think the fatique is slowly subsiding and life is once again 'normal' . It'll be different for me to drive to my appointments, Sean always drove..EVERYWHERE so this is another new thing, for me to learn to navigate places I've never had to navigate to before.

I'm sure I'll get back to blogging again too. I was away from the computer for a while , knowing Sean would be leaving I've been spending as much time as I could with him so the computer took a back seat.

Hard to believe summer is almost over. In just two weeks my baby girl starts high school. She's excited and nervous but I just keep telling her she'll do fine.

Gotta run, I'm at work and really should be 'working' lol

Keep smiln'

Wow, It's August already!!!

2011-08-01T12:58:00.002-04:00

August also means I'm the Guest designer at

SCRAP~TURES!!!

I was thrilled when Christa asked me to design with the kit this month!!!!

Go check Scrap~tures out, the kits are awesome, and Christa is a sweetheart too!!

I also just got a phone call from my mom, telling me my sister had her baby girl this morning. She was 7lbs 1oz but they haven't chosen a name yet.

This Christmas is going to be so much fun with two babies!

Sean and I have been really busy lately. Partially because we are going to Oshawa more and more to visit with his grandma. That takes an entire day, between travelling there then the visit. She's doing pretty good though. 90 years old and still living in her own house!

Well, that's it for today. It's a holiday Monday , so I've had a nice LONG weekend and I want to go and enjoy it a little more.

Keep Smilin'

Happy Anniversary

2011-07-13T12:45:00.003-04:00

Today is my one year anniversary for cancer survivorship. I'm just in awe of how the last year has went. I'm so lucky that I've had the amazing support of my husband and family.

I'm also lucky to be able to have had the support of some amazing friends. There are only a few that were there no matter what and for that I thank them from the bottom of my heart.

Cancer is so limited...

It cannot cripple love.

It cannot shatter hope.

It cannot corrode faith.

It cannot eat away peace.

It cannot destroy confidence.

It cannot kill friendship.

It cannot shut out memories.

It cannot silence courage.

It cannot reduce eternal life.

It cannot quench the Spirit.

Here's to 50 more AMAZING years!!

Keep Smilin'

This is simply adorable

2011-07-09T23:24:00.003-04:00

Krystal changed her Facebook picture to this one today and it just made my heart melt.

The grin on both of their faces is simply priceless.

I just had to share. I can't wait to get pictures printed, hopefully next week and get scrappin some layouts of this adorable little boy!!

Keep Smilin'

Where does the time go..

2011-07-07T19:59:00.006-04:00

It's been a while, but in all fairness I've tried to sign in here and was having issues with validating my hotmail account. Gotta love technology.

Since my last post, Lots has transpired. I've seen my grandson a few times, and he just gets cuter every single day. We are actually going again tomorrow for a quick visit to drop some clothes off for Noah.

Reece has graduated grade 8 with 9 years of perfect attendance. Her dad and I are so proud, I can hardly find the words to explain it. Her grade 7 teacher made the presentation at grad and when we spoke to him afterward, he said he jumped at the chance to do it.

This was kept a secret from Reece, so when Mr Barron started talking Sean and I were grinning from ear to ear knowing what was about to happen. He said in the 11 years he's been teaching no student has ever done what this student did. The kids started to look at Reece , I guess they had a feeling. Then he said that this student has never missed one single day of school since kindergarten...well the parents in the crowd were amazed. Reece knew then it was her he was talking about. He then called her name and we were so happy for her. It's a huge accomplishment! She still says she's going right to grade 12 without missing one single class!.

Another surprise was that Krystal and Noah came to see her graduate. She had no idea they were coming either so it was an awesome surprise!!

We also went camping on the long weekend with two other couples. It was fun and relaxing. We never really do much except sit around chatting, but that was nice. We missed out on camping last year because of my fight with Cancer so getting to go once again was great!!

Our trailer needs some floor repairs, so Sean is going to work on that and I think we plan on selling it. I actually think I know someone that might be interested in it as well, so even better!!

We are off this weekend to visit a bunch of gals in St. Catharines. Christa , Shannon and Chelle and their families. It'll be fun and I'm sure a bunch of laughs! Christa took over

Scrap~tures

on July 1st. Check it out, her kits are absolutely amazing and reasonably priced too!! I'm sure there will be tons of laughs so we are really looking forward to it.

One last update...I joined Weight Watchers FINALLY this past Tuesday. I've been talking about it for months butn ever seemed to have the money. Well I figured if I worked 2 extra hours on the day of the meetings, it would cover my fees and then some. Perfect..time to get my skinny on. I'm so pumped!!!

Alrighty, gotta run. Big Brother is starting soon.

Keep Smilin'

Rampin up!!!

2011-06-08T21:33:00.003-04:00

Busy is an understatement...but it's all good. I've been spending some much needed quality time with Sean.....and all I can say is that I've missed it. I've devoted a lot of time to other projects over the last year, mostly to keep myself pre-occupied during my 'cancer life' but now that's over...and it's time to start living!!

I had a birthday on June 2..I turned 43..wow....I'm old..well, maybe not ;) I received a beautiful card in the mail from my friend Christa and two bouquets of flowers from both Dayle and Nicole! Sean and I also celebrated our 13th anniversary on the 6th of June. This is going to sound corny, or maybe even sappy but I still get the butterflies in my tummy like the day I met him, and the day I married him. I swear we get closer each and every single day!

Reece is graduation grade 8 this year, in just 3 weeks. Where have all the years gone?? I'm extremely proud of this girl, she's sooooo amazing. I'm hoping I can get through the graduation ceremony without crying!!

This past Sunday we had a baby shower for my precious grandson.

This is his mom...he's so adorable!!

and here we are...4 generations.

he's such a good baby!!! I'm a very proud grandma, I think my daughter will be an amazing mom!!

and last but not least...what the title of this post means..RAMPIN' UP!

Nicole ( my bestie that is doing the cancer walk with me) and I have ramped up our training. We now walk almost 10 k 3 times a week. We went to a 'step in' clinic to learn how to train properly and the girl told us, that if we could do 20 km's one day, then get up and do 20 the next day we'd be good to go. We both feel so amazing after doing these walks. It feels so good to get out and exercise. I for one never thought I could do something like this, but it's amazing where you find your inspiration from.

OK, I'm done for now. Reece and I are watching the CMT Music Awards...

have a great week!!!

Keep Smilin'

Here He Is!!!!!

2011-05-23T17:42:00.003-04:00

How adorable is he??? Yes, i'm biased but hey...how can I help it. I'm still getting used to the whole 'grandma' think but I'm sure in no time it'll be 'old hat'

This is Krystal and Jeremy..the proud mommy and daddy!!

I can't wait until I can get some more pictures. I do think this little guy is going to be the subjec to many scrapbook pages!!

Keep Smiln'

I'm officially a grandmother :)

2011-05-21T13:25:00.003-04:00

Noah Gerardo arrived on Thursday, May 19th at 3:09pm. He weighed 8lbs 15.5 oz's and was 21 inches long. Krystal was only in labour for 6 hours...so it wasn't too bad. Both mom and baby are healthy. Noah is jaundiced though, so they've had to stay in the hospital longer unfortunately.

I posted pics on Facebook, but haven't uploaded them to my computer yet but I will soon.

He's so adorable, and yes you probably think I'm biased and that's ok :)

May so far has been an amazing month. Here is everything that has happened or will happen in May

1. I was given the official word that I'm cancer free

2. Sean passed his training course for his 'A' licence

3. My daughter Krystal had her first baby , and made me a very proud grandma (even though I still think I'm way too young to be one ;) )

4. My daughter Reece will turn 14 on the 24th of May

It's been a struggle for the last few years with everything that's happened in our lives, but it looks like we might have finally turned the corner. Financially things are still pretty bad, and will be until Sean finds work...but hopefully that'll happen sooner rather then later. I'm not looking forward to him being 'out on the road' but we are both looking forward to being independent again and paying off our bills!

Today we are headed over to some friends, only about a 7 minute drive away. We have our trailers all set up there, and plan to spend the night because we do plan on having a few drinks. Reece has a friend over so they'll have fun too!.

Tomorrow we are heading to Canada's Wonderland to drop Reece and her friend off. It's where she wanted to go for her birthday. I think Sean and I will go visit his grandma in Oshawa while the girls are having fun. I want to go visit Krystal too and see my new grandson ;)

Well I'm off, need to shower and get ready to go. Have a safe and happy holiday weekend to all those celebrating!!!

Keep Smilin'

Won't Be Long Now

2011-05-18T21:17:00.003-04:00

Krystal was at the docs today, she's already 2cm dialated. Doc told her he'd be surprised if she goes another 24 hours!!!..I'm so excited :)

Sean passed his test today, so he's a full fledged truck driver. Now, to just find a job LOL...but I'm sure that'll come!

Nothing else really happening, watching American Idol so I'm off...just thought I'd update life!!

Keep Smilin'

Still Waiting!!

2011-05-16T21:05:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was Krystal's due date, and still no baby. Although it's fairly normal for a first pregnancy to go over the due date. I remember being exactly where she is. I was 5 days over due with her..and each day that nothing happens is frustrating but something most mothers know all too well! We are all waiting (as patiently as possible I might add) for that phone call!!

The last 6 weeks have flown by. Sean drives his 'A' this Wednesday then he'll be a full fledged truck driver. Then we need to find him a job driving so we can finally get on with our lives!!!!

Nothing much else is going on right now. I've created a few layouts, but other then that it's been quiet. I'm sure once Sean starts working I'll scrap more, but for right now I'm enjoying the time we have together. If he ends up long haul , it'll be tough for a while until we get used to it. We've seen each other pretty much every single day for 17 years...so having him gone will be an adjustment. But like they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder and I'm sure we'll make the best of the situation. We always do!!

Well, I'm gone....Watching Dancing With The Stars with the family..

have a great night!!!

Keep Smilin' ;)

I'm so honoured, and completely humbled...

2011-05-13T17:01:00.002-04:00

Last night, Reece had a soccer practice. Sean and I had some running around to do, so we did it. The coach had told me the girls were getting their uniforms last night too. We arrived back at the practice with a few minutes to spare, and as soon as the coach saw us, he came over carrying the jersey's, one each of the home and away...the home is orange and the away jersey is white.

On the top left corner there is a pink breast cancer ribbon. I asked the coach if this was because of me. He said that the club found out about me, and went ahead and did this. They also donated $2500 to breast cancer research here in Ontario.

I'll take pics when I can , but I'll tell ya, It brought a tear to my eyes last night. I'm amazed all the time when the generosity of people I would never have thought about comes to light.

Someday with any kind of luck at all..this disease will be history..

we can only hope xoxo

2011 : A Great Year!

2011-05-11T21:03:00.000-04:00

Thanks to my friend Christa who reminded me that

Dr. Seuss said it best ::

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

2011 has so far proven to be a year for change and so far, it's all been amazing.

This year, Sean and I will become grandparents. We are sooooo excited!!! Krystal is due in just 4 more days!!
My grandson is in there!!!!!!!The hand on the right is Krystal's, the one on the left is Jeremy's.

What an perfect picture!!

This year, Sean will start a new career, one he's been wanting to do for over 20 years. Maybe falling off the roof was actually a blessing in disguise, they say those do exist!

This year, Reece will finish her elementary school career with 9 years of perfect attendance. Her dad and I couldn't be more proud. She told us at the age of 6 when she came home after her final day of kindergarten that she was going to do this until grade 12. Just 4 more years to go.

I have debated over the last few days on whether or not to continue with my blog. This was my place to say what I want, when I want , however I want. Unfortunately there have been a couple instances where people have assumed I'm speaking about them, and instead of simply asking me , they've taken it upon themselves to be confrontational with me.

This is one of the things that has been said to me

"If you are putting your feelings out there for the world to see, you should accept people's reactions to it, good or bad"

I disagree. Unless I specifically say a person's name, no one should just assume it's about them until they ask. I am not doing this for people's opinions.

It's funny...another friend said I shouldn't let 'one bad apple' stop me from blogging. How true!!

I started this blog to be able to type out whatever I wanted, to get my feelings out there. I can type much faster then I can write, which is why I chose to do it this way.

I will say that my life has changed a lot since December of 2009 when I discovered I had cancer. I knew right there and then that I was going to fight with whatever means I had to make sure I was here for my family. This year has so far given us some great things, but we have also lost some family members with others in a fragile state.

Sean has lost both a grandfather and grandmother and an uncle in a span of 2 months. He only has one grandmother left. We've spent a lot of time running back and forth to her house , which unfortunately is 2 hours away from where we live. It's time consuming and tiring but it's something we all do for family.

I will continue to blog, and all that I ask is that if you read something, and think there is a chance it's about you, please feel free to ask. I'll be honest..I have no reason not to be. I do however ask that you don't jump down my throat until you do know the truth. I also want to thank those that continue to read my entires and follow me :) I appreciate you all more then you'll ever know!

Onward and upward for 2011 and beyond...and like Dr. Suess said

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

So There You Have It...

2011-05-05T21:13:00.004-04:00

April 6th, I went to Mount Sinai for my first mammogram since radiation. It's been 6 months since radiation and while I've lived every day as normal as possible, and it's hard to explain exactly how I've felt...the easiest way to describe it is this....Without a doubt at least 25 times a day, I would think about if they 'got it all' with surgery and treatment. I'd like to say I had an 'instinct' and the knew I was all 'good' but until you get those results, you never really know.

Every time I look at Reece, I couldn't help but think' will I be here when she gets married'? It's amazing and scary at the things you think about once you are given that diagnosis. I have talked at great lengths with Sean about this, and as much as he's tried to convince me that I'll be here, you just never know.

When some people found out I had breast cancer, some of the reactions where 'Oh, well if you had to get cancer, that's the best one to get, it's the easiest to beat'.

I volunteered at a hockey tournament a few weeks ago, for a girl I went to school with. She was diagnosed with breast cancer, and 18 months later , she was gone. She was a year younger then I, and was only 39 when she passed away. Funny, I guess sometimes when people don't know what to say, they stay stupid things.

Back to the follow up mammogram. Sean and I headed to Toronto..with nothing but positive thoughts in our heads. Did the mammogram, had to wait 2 hours for the appointment so we went for lunch. I already knew something was up...when the technician did the mammogram, because I was seeing the surgeon that day for the results she said she wanted to make sure she had lots of 'good pictures' so it wouldn't have to be repeated. I waited after the initial mammogram, only to be told the radiologist looked at them and they saw something, so he wants more pictures to be sure. Here we go again. Squish, squish squish....more pictures.

The technician I think screwed up , because she said the radiologist mentioned a biopsy because he saw 'areas of concern' but it was ultimately up the surgeon.

I knew a biopsy was in my future. Once you have had the interaction with as many doctors and radiologists as I have, you begin to know who makes what decision. I knew that the doctors rely on the radiologists to tell them what they think is the next step. It's their job. I knew once we met with Dr. Easson, she's say I should have a biopsy.

We meet with Dr. Easson..and sure enough...she wants a biopsy.

My first biopsy when I found the lump was done by ultrasound. Basically what that means is a technician does an ultrasound on my breast while the radiologist takes samples from the lump. This method can only be done if the lump is large enough to be seen through ultrasound.

This time the 'areas of concern' were too small to be seen using ultrasound (bonus for me I guess!!) so it had to be done using mammogram. This is called a Stereotactic Mammogram and Core Biopsy. Dr Easson said they'd call with an appointment for the biopsy. So we leave the hospital. I cried, I didn't want to cry..but I did. I decided a long time ago that crying admitted Cancer was beating me and damn it , that wasn't going to happen. I'm an emotional person to begin with ( this might shock a few people ;) ) but I am. I wear my heart on my sleeve when I'm not being a tough bitch! I wasn't crying because there was a possibility that I still had cancer, I was crying because I was disappointed. I had it in my head that I was cured..completely...there were no if , ands or buts about it. I was cancer free. That's what every cancer patient wants to hear with there first post treatment check up...so when I didn't hear that...I guess the only way to describe it was...my balloon was deflated.

I received the phone call that my biopsy was scheduled for April 26. Now I'm scared...I mean even the toughest of people can get scared every now and then so cut me some slack ;)

I can't even explain the feeling of waiting to be called. I know the test is going to be uncomfortable...but I had no idea.

The first biopsy I was LUCKY enough to have Sean by my side. It was a small town hospital so I guess that one of the luxuries.

This time, I was alone. I was called, it was my turn. I walked down the corridor to the room. I followed the technician which by the way was an absolute sweetheart. They all are! After we get into the room, the radiologist 'fellow' came in with an 'observer' which was a male. The technician and the fellow were both women. NOW, don't get me wrong, I've literally shown my boob to at least 20 different doctors, technicians, oncologists, radiation oncologists...you name it, it's been done. BUT , this guy that was to be the observer because this procedure isn't don't often...made me uncomfortable...his look, he wouldn't look at me at all. He stared at the floor...he was just weird. Believe me, It makes no difference male or female..unless I'm uncomfortable...I mean to be honest , a boob is a boob but I'm a firm believer that if it's your body, you have every right to always be comfortable with whomever you choose to show it too, regardless of the situation!

I had to lay on a stretcher on my side and position myself close enough to the mammogram machine to be 'squished' enough for the test. Once I was 'clamped' into place, I was given 3 needles of freezing per site, for which there were two sites. I was literally clamped into the machine for 1 1/2 hours, 45 minutes per site with maybe a 5 minute break in between. I was 'attached' to the machine , by what I can only describe as ' Jesus nailed to the cross'. I had a tube inserted into the cut they put into my breast , then the instrument was inserted into it, that removed the tissue to be tested. I seriously could not move for fear of ripping my breast. Have you ever tried to lay in the same spot for 45 minutes?

Finally they said they had enough tissue to test...blood was everywhere...I was numb and sore...but it was done. I walked out to Sean who was patiently waiting in the waiting room. He asked me if I was ok, I said no, but lets go...I want to go home.

Again, a waiting game.

I only told two of my bestest friends that I was going for this biopsy. You sort of get a feel for who is 'in your corner' and who isn't and who you want to confide in and who you don't.

We went to Dayle's place last weekend. She asked me how I was, and I told her...it was the worst hour and a half of my life...and all she did was HUG me...it was exactly what I needed. Tis true what they say...you do find out who your friends are, and who really does care :)

I have my appointment for my results May 11th

Which brings me back to today (It was a long time getting here, and if you are still reading, I am forever grateful)

Today was my last treatment. Most people think cancer consists of chemo and radiation. There are many other treatments that take a lot of time to complete. It's funny though...once you are done the initial treatments, people stop asking...they stop worrying, or stop caring..who knows.

Anyway, I was a Herceptin patient. That's 40K per patient...basically it's an antibody that I don't normally have, but now that my treatments are done, there is a guarantee that the cancer won't come back by 50%.

Sean and I got home at 5:30, we had to leave again at 6pm for Reece's soccer. As I'm making toasted western sandwiches for supper, the phone rings...Reece says 'it's probably the hospital'..then she walks over and gives me the phone.....

It was Dr. Easson...my surgeon.

I was in the middle of cooking dinner, Reece handed me the phone...When I answered..this is what I heard..............................

Teresa, It's Dr. Easson...I have your results. The tests all came back benign.

I said'"Does that mean it's good" ...Yes, I was a little in shock that she's was on the phone...big time doctors don't make phone calls.

She said " yes, there is no cancer, you are cancer free. It was only scar tissue. I'm so happy with this outcome" OMG...My response.." I LOVE YOU" ..YOU JUST MADE MY DAY" " I JUST HAD MY LAST TREATMENT...YOU HAVE JUST MADE MY LIFE"

SO, There You Have It...

I'm a survivor <3

Another 5K down...

2011-04-25T21:28:00.002-04:00

Damn, it feels good. Never thought I'd see the day that exercise felt good. I actually look forward to it. Nicole was away on the weekend, so we didn't get to walk (Yes, I could have done it alone...but it isn't near as much fun LOL )

I'm up to I think $300 in donations for the walk...how cool is that!!

Had Easter dinner with my family on Friday...turned out pretty good.

Sean started week 3 of his course. It's going awesome, he's passing his tests at 100% which is even cooler. I'm so freakin proud of him! Today he actually got to drive a big rig around Barrie...oh man he was like a kid in the candy store when he got home. He's so excited and it's so awesome to see that sparkle in his eyes again :)

3 more weeks until my grandson is born....and I'm getting very excited!!

Anyhoot...must run...Mike & Molly is on...and I'm in need of a good laugh!

Have a great night

aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2011-04-20T18:56:00.002-04:00

I have so much I want to say here, but I can't :( unfortunately I no longer feel that this is a place that I can 'freely' talk about whatever I want.

I might have to go back to hand writing in a journal. I do type a heck of a lot faster then I write though, which is why this sucks so much.

WHY OH WHY can't blogger have a blocking feature :(

Scrap~tures April Blog Hop!!!

2011-04-15T08:00:00.000-04:00

Welcome to Scrap~tures Retro Road Trip blog hop!! Thanks so much for joining us! We are very excited show you some scrappy projects from the ‘past’ and hope that you gain lots of inspiration and continue to hop with us!! If you just happened by this blog and didn't realize a blog hop was taking place, please go back to Scrap~tures and start the Hop. You won't want to miss all the inspiration from our team....... or the chance to win a Rak :-)

Here is one of my very first layouts. It's 8 1/2 x 11 because that's the size I started out scrapping.

It's very simple, and can you believe...not one flower!!!

What was I thinking!!! I love the simplicity of this layout, it's very straight to the point. The photo itself is one of my very favorites :)

This blog hop will run from today, April15th – April 17th.

We will be drawing for winner on April 18th. Follow along in our blog hop! Your next stop is back at Scrap~tures

Make sure you have left a comment on every single blog in the hop to be eligible for the prize!!!

The Training Has Begun!!

2011-04-10T18:24:00.002-04:00

Today was the first day of my friend Nicole's and my training for the cancer walk. We want to do the two day walk, which is 60 km's. It sounds like a HUGE undertaking, but we are so pumped to do it.

Went to a seminar yesterday, watched a video that made us cry and we were given a pink 'carry all' bag with the logo for the 'Weekend To End All Women's Cancers' on it.

The closing ceremonies are supposed to be something to see...so we are pretty sure we are going to sign up for the two day walk.

People never really think of the cost involved in treating someone for a disease like cancer...but here's what I know so far.....

Each chemo costs approximately $3000. I had a total 12 chemo medicines. I'm also Her2 positive which means I'm on Herceptin...which is at a cost of $40 000 per patient. I have no idea what each radiation costs, but I had 22 of them, as well as surgery. I was also given a shot after each chemo to boost my white blood cells at a cost of $2500 each.

DO THE MATH...it's insanely expensive. Why do the drugs cost so much..the research that goes into developing them, getting them approved..but I tell ya, I'll be forever grateful for everyone involved! The researchers, the nurses, the doctors, the surgeons, the oncologists....before this happened to me, I never realized what was involved. So if I can do a little bit in helping to raise money so someone else can beat this terrible disease, then that's what I'll do!!!

SO, today being day one of actual training, we did a 5K walk...it was AWESOME!! I feel great and on top of getting some much needed exercise, I'll be losing weight too!!!

Gotta run, bath is ready!!!

I feel good.......

2011-03-30T18:13:00.002-04:00

and I knew that I would...da da da da da!

Don't ask, I have no idea...but for some reason I feel we have some hope.

We have decided to quit worrying about insurance companies...at least for the time being.No one can make our situtation better but us, so that's exactly what we are going to do!

Sean is going to persue a career...and with any luck, it'll work out. He's nervous, so am I...but in all reality disability payments wouldn't pay us a lot of money....and we both want more out of life. He's actually been able to quit taking his meds, they weren't helping with the pain and were just screwing more things up. He does feel a difference, but not yet to the point he can't handle it.

We have plans to fix up our house..then sell once Reece is done high school. We want things , trips, etc...and that isn't going to happen sitting on a disability pension.

If we find he can't work, then yes, we'll go after Sunlife with lawyers and lawsuits...but if it does work out then yay for us!!!!

I did our tax return and that will definitely help pay a few bills...which is awesome!!

Less then 2 months until I'm a grandma..wow, that still sounds wierd. Once again my daughter isn't speaking to us...but with any luck I'll still have a part in the childs life to some extent. Unfortunetly I have a feeling the drama won't stop once the baby starts to grow up. Although I won't allow it to happen with us, I do feel the 'other side' will make it a huge competition which is sad. Either way...I'm excited.

SO, there ya have it....2011 is going to be a GREAT YEAR!!!!!

Keep Smilin'

So there you have it....

2011-03-23T15:26:00.002-04:00

Once again the insurance company has said no to keeping the claim active. Their reason...our doctor stated that Sean is better off active and could likely do something with re-training. Unfortunately, it's not up to the insurnace company to re-train him. Thanks doc, for being on our side....Sean had no intention of 'sitting on his ass' for the rest of his life, but he would have liked some time to figure out what it was he could do.

We went today to see the phsiatrist (a pain management specialist) and was told his pain is caused by the muscles that need to support his spine and the best way to fix it is swimming 3 times a week. They could also do nerve injections to numb it while he does these exercises if he'd like. OK, so now we have to join a program somewhere to be able to fix Sean's back in order for him to work, but if he doesn't work now, we can't afford to join anywhere. Nice eh!

We are tired of fighting for something we deserve when it seems like there isn't a hope in hell of it ever happening. It's so frustrating when I see people that have NO issues at all, and are screwing the system and getting away with it. Makes no sense.

So, enough whining and hoping that things will turn out the way they should. Time to take care of ourselves again. Sean has a high pain tolerance...so he's going to find work to support us, and hopefully so we don't lose our house. I guess if he can't do it, he can't and we'll go from there. The next step if working doesn't work, will be to get a lawyer and start proceedings against the insurance company.

Now all we need is some 'find a good paying job soon' vibes...as we are out of time and the mortgage company isn't very compassionate!

Keep Smilin'

When does it get easier?

2011-03-20T16:41:00.002-04:00

We dropped Maya off at her new home a couple of hours ago. Reece and I cried all the way home. I doubt we'll ever get another animal, it's just too tough on our family.

So, I just decided to look at my Facebook, when all of a sudden I get a notification saying my account has been disabled. WTF...and for what reason is what I'd like to know.

This day just keeps getting better :(

I officially suck as a parent

2011-03-19T14:05:00.003-04:00

This is our dog Maya...and tomorrow, we'll be giving her to a very good friend of ours.

We've been debating for over a year, on whether we should find a home for her that would give her lots of room to run be 'free'. At our house she needs to be tied up and can't run and have fun.

It's been a tough decision, one that we are all shedding tears about today. Our friend and her son came to see her and fell in love with her. I asked for another day with her, so we could all come to terms with our decision. We know this is better for her, as they have 100 acres of farm land, and she'll get all the room to run and play that she wants.

Reece is having a really hard time with it, and seeing her heart broken is breaking my continually.

We've had Maya since February 9th, 2009..so she is part of our family. We just can't see having to leave her attached to a chain for the rest of her life..it just seems so unfair :(

The one good thing is that the people that are taking her only live about 20 minutes from us. We can go see her whenever we want. I'll be able to keep tabs on her, and make sure she's ok. It doesn't make it slightly easier then just giving her to strangers. I know these people will take care of her and give her as much love as we have.

It's a sad day in our house :( so I don't think today I'm going to say Keep Smiln' because if I can't, I can't expect anyone else to :(

Yah, it's Friday!!

2011-03-18T11:39:00.004-04:00

Not that that means a whole lot, but it's my day off...for now anyway.

We did receive a letter from the insurance company this week, that our case has gone to the appeals division. Hopefully someone there has a brain in their head...but we'll know soon enough!

Sean is actually thinking about getting his licence to drive transport trucks. Driving isn't as big of an issue as long as what he's driving is comfortable, and like most men, he'll do whatever it takes to look after his family. We aren't sure if it's something he'll even be able to do, but it's something he's thinking about.

I'm registering for the Walk To End All Women's Cancers' this weekend too! I've started 'training' ...which will be good for me. One of my very bestest friends has committed to walking with me! How cool is that. Sean joked saying we'd walk the 32 km's and not even notice because we'd be talking so much hahahahahaha!!

Anyone wanna walk with us??? You are all more then welcome!

Nothing else really going on...next week is a busy week. I have my echo cardiogram scheduled for Monday, Sean has an appointment Wednesday in Barrie with the Phsiatrist (not sure if that's how it's spelled) and then I have a doc appointment Thursday , and if the echo results are good, I'll have a treatment that day too! ONLY 3 MORE TO GO!!

We're off, have a great day!

Keep Smilin'

So, we are giving it one more try....

2011-03-01T19:39:00.002-05:00

well, maybe not one more, but one more right now...We went to see Sean's doctor last week, and explained our situtation to him..although we shouldn't have had to. He agreed to send a detailed letter to the insurance company explaining exactly how Sean is , and how restricted he is with his pain. Cross your fingers that this finally works. We have started the paperwork to apply for a government disability. Believe me, I don' t want to have to sell my house! I will keep you posted :)

There is something I've been wanting to do , as soon as I discovered I had breast cancer. I want to walk in the 'Weekend To End All Women's Cancer'

You can check it out here--> http://www.endcancer.ca

My friend Nicole has already agreed to join my 'team' and walk with me. I'd love to be able to do the two day walk, but 60 km's (37 miles) is I think too ambitious in my first year. I'm still suffering from fatigue so doing the one day walk(32km's-19 miles) is going to be tough enough.

I think I mentioned before that Nicole was going to be moving away, and I've been a bit sad ever since. She's just one of those friends that regardless of how often or how scarce the visits are, we talk and talk and talk. I joked to Sean and said that we' d walk the 32km's without even noticing because we'd be talking so much!! SO...we are going for it. I need to think up a really cool name for our team. All sugestions are welcome!!

so, with that said, I can see LOTS of photo opportunities coming up, as well as LOTS and LOTS of training. Wish me luck..

I have yet another treatment this week...this will be #15 of 18..almost done.

I also have an appointment in April for my first mammogram since surgery and radiation. This is the big one...the one that will confirm that the cancer is gone. I"m pretty confident that it is, but I'll be glad to finally have the results!

Hope all is well in your parts of the world...

Keep Smilin'

Free Scrap~tures Scrapbook Kits!!

2011-02-23T10:52:00.001-05:00

Do you want one? Of course you do, I mean who wouldn't!

We are looking for people to be guest team members for a month. That's it..no long term commitments. In exchange for a free kit, you need to create with it..simple as that.
Every scrapbook style is welcomed. Each person has their own style and we want to showcase it!
You can choose from either a card kit or a scrapbook kit. Both kits are amazing and contain the latest and greatest of products.
You DO NOT need to become a forum member either. We also understand that not everyone likes to be a part of a forum...that's ok! All we ask is that you have a blog or Facebook so you can post the creations you've made using our kit.
Interested??

email denise@scraptures.ca

What are you waiting for????

Do you ever get the feeling..

2011-02-19T21:12:00.005-05:00

that living a stress free life is just not in the cards?

Sean and I have had a heck of a week...where do I begin...

We went to visit Sean's grandma and Grandpa back in December. They live 2 hours away from us, so it's tough to see them on a regular basis. Sean's grandpa has had prostate cancer for 12 years. We got a call that it had spread, but we didn't know to what degree. His grandparents are 89, so talking on the phone is tough, as his grandma is hard of hearing and his grandpa just doesn't talk much on the phone. We decided to go for a visit. I took my camera , and was determined to get a picture or two. They adore Reece so she of course went with us.

Here are a couple of layouts I did using the pictures I took.

This one is Reece with her Great Grandpa. His face would just light up when she would come through the door.

Here is Reece with both of her grandparents

When we got there, Grandma showed us a piece of paper, outlining the results of the tests Grandpa had just had. His prostate cancer had spread to his liver , and his bones. The doctors hadn't really been checking him and for what reason, we'll never know. When the doctor got the results all he could say was sorry. That's comforting.

We received a phone call on Wednesday evening (February 16th) from Grandma telling us that Grandpa was in the hospital and they weren't sure if he was going to last the night. She told us that he'd been in the hospital since Monday February 7th. We told her we would be there first thing in the morning. We hoped and prayed we'd make it in time to say goodbye.

We arrived at the hospital on Thursday at aprox 10:30am. He was still living so we made ourselves comfortable in his room and began telling and listening to all sorts of stories from both Grandma and their long time friends and neighbours that were also there. He didn't wake up, but then again..they had him so heavily sedated that we knew it was next to impossible for him to. Apparently he had been more alert that morning, not being able to talk but he did smile and responded to some of the things people were saying. He had since been given more meds for pain so was sleeping quite peacefully.

By 8pm that evening, we had talked to a nurse who seemed to think based on the way grandpa was, he'd make it through the night. He was breathing quite well and not laboured at all. We convinced Grandma to go home and get some rest. She too had only managed about 3 hours sleep the night before, fearing the worse. Sean drove her home while I stayed and kept Grandpa company until Sean returned.

Sean returned with some dinner, and we tried to get comfy on a couple of semi-comfortable chairs and settled in for what we knew would be a long night.

Thank goodness for Iphones, we were able to keep ourselves busy by playing games together!

We tried to doze off here and there but couldn't ...knowing what was happening in front of us with one of the most remarkable men either of us has ever known. The chairs were way to uncomfortable to even begin to think we could sleep in so we talked and laughed and watched Grandpa.

At 3am, his breathing changed dramatically and suddenly...I told Sean to get the nurses immediately. He did just that, and when they returned I then told him to call Grandma and get her back here as fast as possible.

Unfortunately we only had about 5 more minutes with him when he took his last breath...peacefully and was gone :(

Grandma didn't make it in time, but she was there soon enough. She was so thankful that Sean and I were with him, and that he wasn't alone.

We stayed with Grandma until shortly after 12 noon, but had to get home. We had been up since Thursday morning at 6:30 am and were both extremely exhausted.

It never seems to matter how much you are prepared, and how much you tell yourself you know this has to happen, and that he's better off because he's no longer in pain..it still hurts the heart.

Sam Kerr was a fascinating man. He'd lived in numerous places ...Bermuda, New York, Scotland just to name a few. He gave Charlton Heston a ride on his motorcycle and golfed with some of the most amazing golfers in the world. He even met the man that invented the television.

Sean is named after this man, which makes him a great man too!

Rest in peace Grandpa...you will be missed <3

Sam Kerr

March 28, 1921 - February 18, 2011

Hellooooooo :)

2011-02-15T18:05:00.002-05:00

What's up today peeps?

I had a couple of appointments with my son today, so I didn't go to work. I do however have to go the next two days...so that will make up for what I missed today. I have Friday off from my regular job...so unless I head into the mortgage office, I'll have a 4 day long weekend!!

Monday is family day here in Ontario. We don't usually do a whole lot...can't afford to go anywhere or take Reece anywhere...but maybe we'll play some games here.

We have a new appointment with Sean's doctor. Originally they told me April 12. We went to see the intern, asked him for a referral. His answer was that he wanted to wait until Dr. Winfield came back so he could consult with him first. I was so pissed off ...I stormed out of the office. I guess that's what it took, because we got a call the other day saying they've moved our appointment from April 12 to February 22nd...go figure!! And that the intern has put forth a request for a consult with the surgeon we requested.

Hopefully we can get it through this doctors head that although Sean would love to be able to work, it's just not possible. We are cutting it close, but I've got my fingers crossed that we can get something figured out before April!!

I had my treatment last week....only 4 more to go!!!!!!! That means only 4 more Iv's in my hand. Holy moly do they hurt! For some reason my arm veins run and hide when they see the nurses coming, and the veins in my hands are awesome so that's where they go!

I'm still walking on the treadmill, but still not as often as I need to or should be. I am still working on getting myself into a routine. I've been doing 1 1/2 miles each time. The odd time I'll go 2 miles, but I've decided to try and get consistent first, then I'll up the length.

I've lost a little more then 13 lbs so far, so I'm pumped to keep this up. I want to lose a total of 20lbs by March 5...so we'll see. Wish me luck!

Anyhoot...must run, dinner is almost ready and Reece has soccer tonight at 7.

Keep Smilin'

Things Just Keep Getting Better!

2011-02-07T12:07:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, Sean came home from the store to tell me the wheel bearing is gone again in our truck. He replaced it (with a used one) in December. We aren't sure (and likely no real way to figure it out) if the one we bought was worn out already (you take your chances with a wrecking yard) or if something in our truck is causing it to happen.

Used = $85.00

New=$350-400

Hmm...easy to see which way we went!

We don't live in town, so having a vehicle is a must where we are. At the moment, Sean and I are both sitting here..wondering what to do next. I have a truck on hold to rent (I have to have 4x4 where I live) at the cost of a little over $100/day.

My mom has offered to pay this as she knows we can't. We're talking likely 3 days. Pretty sad actually...3 days of renting it would be a monthly payment on one if we could afford to buy a new one! She's also thinking that maybe buying us a used vehicle would be better right now..since ours does have so many miles on it. Who knows what will happen...we'll have to wait and see I guess.

Funny...I have certain persons in my life that seem to think I'm rolling in money....I sure wish I was, because being in this situation sucks!!

I am still pulling for 2011 to be a better year. I guess there isn't much else you can do but keep getting back up when you get knocked down..right?

Keep Smilin'

It's Treatment Week

2011-02-06T18:31:00.003-05:00

Time sure flies, seems like I was just there.

I just have 5 more to go...sweeeeeeeeeeet.

Sean also has a doctors appointment this week. It was supposed to be last week but it stormed. The doctors office didn't even open until AFTER his appointment time, but they didn't call to cancel, didn't hear from them period actually. When I called to re-schedule...the appointment they gave us was April. SO, this appointment is with an intern that is covering because our doctor is away on holidays for a couple of weeks. April is the month Sunlife has decided Sean is cured, so we need to do something before then.

We are going to ask this intern for a referral to a surgeon Sean has dealt with in the past. We are hoping that he can shed some light with the insurance company as to the chronic condition Sean has. Cross your fingers, as time is running out!!

Have a wonderful week!

Keep Smilin'

All Grown Up!

2011-02-05T09:17:00.002-05:00

My Son Jesse's first 'new' car.

A 2005 Pontiac Grand Prix.

VERY COOL!!!

His payments aren't bad, but his insurance is nuts!! One year is more then half what he paid for the car. I think insurance companies should give kids ONE chance...and if they screw up, then penalize them. Not every teenager is going to 'make a mistake' when it comes to driving but they all have to pay for it!

Good thing is that his premiums will drop once he gets his full 'G', and when he turns 19, 21, 23 and 25(as long as he behaves LOL)

only 43 days until spring!!!!

I Wanna Be A Bear!!!

2011-02-03T20:48:00.000-05:00

One Month Gone in 2011

2011-01-31T18:21:00.003-05:00

How is your year going so far?

Let's see if I can sum mine up for you.

1. I haven't heard from a friend the entire month. Not sure what's up with that.

2. My other friend lost her dog, she's had her for years, so she's very sad :(

3. My daughter is mad at me just because I voiced my opinion. Times sure have changed, I remember my mom giving me her opinion on things, and even if I didn't like them, I never treated her the way kids treat their parents these days. Pretty disheartening.

4. My son moved back into my house. There were extenuating circumstances, but regardless...he's here. He didn't even have a 'room' at his dads, just a bed in a part of the basement that everyone else had access to. I think he's pretty happy he has his room back!

5. Stopped into a friends place on the weekend, and surprised her! Haven't seen her in a year since just after I was diagnosed so that was cool!!

6. The lady I work with doing the mortgages kept a portion of my commissions. It was a deal we did together and we were splitting the commission 50/50. I was really looking forward to the money Friday, as I had bills to pay but was told we didn't get paid for it. Then I found out today, head office screwed up, paid her the entire thing and now I have to wait for the money because she supposedly needed it. I am soooo not impressed. She did send me some of it, but honestly....this woman is supposed to be a professional.

6. I've lost 11.6 lbs this month. How SWEEEEEEEEET is that!! I need to thank my buddy Denise...for helping to keep me motivated and encouranged. There is nothing better then having someone cheer you on! SUCCESS

So...I think that's it. I wonder what February will bring. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm sure more of the same...some good , some not so good.

Anyone know if you can block people from reading your blog? I think that would be a great feature! Just sayin' ;)

Keep Smilin'

The Winner of the Rak...

2011-01-24T19:39:00.002-05:00

for being a new follower on my blog is RUBY M

If you could email me at your mailing address...

at steeles4u@aol.com

I'll get your RAK out to you in the next couple of days.

Thanks to all of you that participated in our blog hop...stay tuned for February 1st, for the winner of the hop!!

Scrap~tures Birthday Celebration Blog Hop

2011-01-19T14:08:00.007-05:00

Welcome to

Scrap~tures Birthday Celebration blog hop!!

Thanks so much for joining us and we hope that you gain lots of inspiration and continue to hop with us!!

Scrap~tures turned one this month so the theme for this hop is BIRTHDAYS!!!!!

If you just happened by this blog and didn't realize a blog hop was taking
place, please go back to Scrap~tures and start the Hop.

You won't want to miss all the inspiration from our team.....

or the chance to win a prize :-)

Here is my layout depicting this theme. It's from my daughter's

8th Birthday. I completed this layout a few years ago, but still love it!

It's fairly simple, and I managed to use quite a few photo's.

Thanks for stopping by :-)

If you choose to follow my blog, I'll send a small rak out to anyone that becomes a new follower. Just let me know in the comments that you are a new follower!

This blog hop will run from January 21st – January 23. We will be
drawing for winner February 1st, along with all the other draws.

Follow along in our blog hop!

Your next stop is back at SCRAP~TURES

which is the end of our hop.

Thanks so much for playing along!

Woohooooooooo some good news!!

2011-01-10T12:18:00.003-05:00

Last Monday I started Weight Watchers. I haven't officially signed up because I just can't afford it right now, but I do have all the books at home so I decided it was time. I MUST lose this access weight. I promised myself I wouldn't step on the scale until this Monday. I was on the treadmill a few times..yesterday I walked 2 miles. Now, while that doesn't dound like much, I haven't exercised in a very long time..so believe me, I'm out of shape :S

This morning, I weighted myself..and

are ya ready for this.............

...................................................

.....................................................

I'm down 7.2 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah baby...talk about starting the week on a high note!!

Only 53 lbs to go ...OY!!

So, I found out my new grandbaby.....

2011-01-09T18:17:00.002-05:00

is going to be a BOY.

I've seen some of the the cutest outfits lately...I can't wait.

Hard to believe I'm going to be a grandma...OY...I thought I had years before this happened. Not that it's a bad thing, but grandma sounds so...'old'

I'm sure I'll get over it!!!

I also found out that a very very very good friend of mine is moving away :(

They are hoping to have their house on the market in April. They moved here for her husbands job, and he's since been unable to work due to a severe back injury as well. Their two kids are grown up, and have 'lives' of their own so they are heading back to where they came from. It's only about 1 1/2 hours away, but that's sooooooo far considering now she's 5 minutes and I drive by her house every single day.

I'm sad...I truly am. I know I'm going to cry and it almost seems silly. I asked her if there was cell service or Internet where she was going and she doesn't think so..it's pretty remote. She used to always joke about moving back home and living like gypsies...well I guess that's what they are going to do.

This lady has been my 'second' rock through all of last year. She even offered to shave her head the minute I lost my hair. I convinced her not too...after all, I was planning on wearing a wig! Every single appointment I had, I would always get a text message telling me she was thinking of me.

She's one of those women that you know, no matter what happens, she's always be right there. Even typing this has me fighting back tears. It almost feels like I'm back in school...and my 'buddy' is moving away. I'm know I'll be fine, and I'll get over it..after all...I'm tough!

We also received a letter Friday from the insurance company Sean is dealing with saying that they are still taking the reports from the physiotherapist and his family doctor from June of 2009, and will not reverse their decision. They are saying he's capable of working as long as he can sit for no longer then 20 minutes, stand for no longer then 20 minutes etc etc etc and that this qualifies him for a supervisory job in an automotive assembly plant. Guess what gave them that idea??? A computer program. To bad the computer doesn't tell that that not very many people start at the supervisor position in automotive plants. Almost all the time, you start at the bottom, online..and he can't do that.

This is exactly what he was doing, plus driving a forklift. He can no longer drive a forklift but now they are saying he's capable. I couldn't imagine him having to walk in work boots for very long. If he sits for 2o minutes or more, he can hardly walk after that. So, we have aprox 3 more months of benefit payments then they just stop. If we can't prove he's not able to work, we are once again in big trouble financially. Right now his payments pay our mortgage and a wee bit extra, but without that, I don't make enough to even pay the mortgage, let alone everything else. I'm trying to get the mortgage business off the ground, but these things take time.

We are going to contact a lawyer and get their opinion. Every time we mention this to his doctor he just says 'well, insurance companies want you off their books' to which I say 'I know they do, but sometimes a person should be on their books'.

Anyway, that's what's happening in my world right now..so if any of you have some good luck you want to toss this way, I'd sure appreciate it and believe me..I'd return the favor in a heartbeat..but I don't think the kind of luck I have, anyone would want.

Keep Smilin'

One Little Word

2011-01-03T10:01:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking for a few days about that one little word that I want to focus on this year. That word is 'success'

This year I want to be successful at my new career. I need to be to be able to support my family and finally be able to have some things that both Sean and I have wanted for years. I want to be successful at reaching my goal weight not only so I look and feel better, but so that I don't give cancer a reason to return!!! I want to be successful in becoming more active and exercising more.

I'm sure there will be more to this word as the year progresses, but to start..these are the immediate goals.

Last year was very tough for both Sean and I financially. We have struggled since he was hurt in 2008 but were managing to just squeak by. When I was unable to work, it really took it's toll on us. We watched as our friends were able to have a great summer camping and having fun, while we couldn't do anything for the lack of funds. It was hard on our daughter too. She asked many times if we could just go camping once, but we couldn't. I was borrowing money left right and centre form my parents just to pay the immediate bills and our mortgage. I want to be successful at changing this and be able to do more with our daughter. She's the last one we have at home, and at 13..she's already growing up so fast. I really don't think people that knew us, really understood how tough it really was.

Now, the cancer is gone...I'm working on getting back to normal (the fatigue is still an issue) but I have returned to work at my old job part time, and have started to build my career as a mortgage agent.

I WILL SUCCEED!

Exciting Things at Scrap~tures!!

2011-01-01T19:08:00.002-05:00

Welcome to a brand new year!

January 2011 is a special month here at Scrap~tures – we’re one year old!

Thanks to your support and participation we’ve had a great first year and want to show our gratitude by celebrating all month long with games, prizes, a blog hop, AVATAR challenges and lots of inspiration and fun!!

We have been working hard behind the scenes to provide inspirational challenges, based on “traditional” anniversary gift lists, that will run all month long. For every challenge that you complete (and post in the particular challenge thread AND note in your “birthday book” (master challenge list thread) you can count a candle! Yes, that’s right, for every challenge you complete, you can take the little candle blinkie to put in your siggie line! How fun (and cute) is that?

AND!! if that isn’t enough, we’re going to have an ANNIVERSARY CROP the weekend of January 21, 22 and 23 so mark your calendars and invite your friends! The crop challenges will start with an early bird challenge (you’ll love it, I guarantee it ;-) ) on Friday at noon and go all weekend long.

The crop will give you many opportunities to gather more candles for your birthday book. Not to worry though, at the end of the month, we’ll give you some time to “catch your breath” and catch up with more candles if you want!!

Why all the candles??? Because, February 1, we will announce our Anniversary Prize Winners! Yes plural!! There will be a grand prize and two runner-up prizes. Denise will be announcing how you can be eligible for the prizes so stay tuned and in the meantime, collect those candles!

Come to the party and be ready to meet some “old” friends of ours who are celebrating with us this month and some of you will be surprised I'm sure by "who" you see....

Questions? Fire away or get out your adhesive and be ready to play the winter blahs away!! Let’s get going! Your first inspirational challenge is already posted in the team member forum! Go for it and let’s see what you’ve got.

Your first January AVATAR challenge is to change up from Christmas to fireworks and other celebratory images! Let's see you get your PARTY ON!! :-)

Head on over to Scrap~tures and join in all the fun~~

I have a NEW blog!!

2010-12-31T13:16:00.002-05:00

Beginning tomorrow, I'm going to try and document my life in a year of photo's. I'm hoping to take a photo a day. I'm sure this will help my photography skills as well...and I'd love it if you would all follow me there as well. Here is the address http://steeleslivesinpictures.blogspot.com/

I'm hoping for an amazing 2011 and I'm hoping I can capture it in photo's!

Keep Smilin'

Boxing Day..2010

2010-12-26T09:48:00.002-05:00

Hello all! Hope your Christmas has been one of the best ever!!

Today we are off to my mom's for the festivities. I found out yesterday I don't think I'll be seeing my oldest daughter Krystal, the doc things she has pneumonia...and with being pregnant that's not good. They couldn't do a chest x-ray, so he told her to go home and rest for a few days and don't go anywhere. She lives in Mississauga as well, so we'll have to make arrangements to go see her and her boyfriend when she's better. I still can't get sick, or I won't be able to get my Herceptin treatments. They are given to me in the chemo suite at the hospital, so if I'm sick, i could get the chemo patients sick and that's not good. I have to make sure I stay healthy so I can finish my treatments....only 7 more to go!!

I had my regular echo cardiogram last Thursday, and I'm pretty sure the 'pumping capabilities of my heart' have dropped..which could mean no treatment this week. This happened before, and the last time they waited a bit longer to give my heart a chance to repair itself. I guess I'll have to wait and see what the doc says this week. Nothing is ever simple! I hope my heart isn't permanently damaged. Could happen. With every drug there are so many side effects. I know the doc will say that they feel the benefit you get from the drug or treatment out weighs the side effects..but still. Did you know radiation treatment can cause leukemia in approximately 10 years? What a wonderful thing to have to have sitting in the back of your mind for the next 10 years!

We were at our friends on Christmas eve for a few drinks, and when we got home we found a plate of home made goodies and a card from some life long family friends. This couple has been in my life since birth...when I was 5 years old, my parents went to Hawaii and I stayed at their house. The goodies were yummy! Everything from date squares to butter tarts...hmmmmm

Inside the card was also some money. They really didn't have to do that. I know they mean well but it makes me feel awkward. I've never been one to take handouts.

Well that's it for today...I need to get the veggies and dip and the cheese tray ready for my Mom's...have a great day!

Keep Smilin'

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T10:04:00.002-05:00

Wow, that year went by fast! Merry Christmas to everyone! Hope Santa found you all.

This year is the first year Sean and I bought gifts for each other. It was fun to have things to open under the tree. Reece is very happy with her gifts, which we knew she would be :)

Reece made me two wooden signs for Christmas (with the help of her dad) I'll get pictures posted soon. One says Hope , and the 'o' is the breast cancer ribbon, the other one says MOM and the 'o' is a heart! I LOVE them...

We are off to my mom's tomorrow where I'll see my older two kids. I hope they like the gifts I got for them :) Mom always makes the best stuffing....can't wait!!

We also got a Wii game system for the entire family. Sean's grandma sends us Christmas money, and we use it every year to get something for the entire family. I can't wait to set it up and give it a try. Everyone that I know with one says it's a lot of fun!!

Well i'm off, Sean is making breakfast (cinnimon french toast!!)

Have a wonderful day :)

Keep Smilin'

1 Year ago today....

2010-12-09T07:40:00.003-05:00

It's been a year since I found the lump that changed my life forever. I've read so many stories of woman who say having breast cancer was a blessing...I have yet to feel like that. I don't consider it a blessing, but I'm not bitter either. It has definitely changed me, the way I think. Sweat the small stuff...not anymore. Although I didn't do alot of that before anyway, even less now. I'm grateful for every day I have with my family. I've had a lot of laughs in the past year, mostly with the things people say. Sometimes it just makes you shake your head. Here's an example...

We were at a wedding in September. We were seated at a table with another couple that I've know of for quite some time. Being from a small town you know people without really knowing people. Of course, they knew me because of my parents being well known. Something was said about me having breast cancer. The wife half of this couple looked right at my chest and asked if I'd had a mastectomy. NOW, why would this be something someone would think would be their business in knowing. I'll never figure it out!

Or last week, we went to the Christmas party for the mortgage company I work with. The lady that I work with was telling another woman how upbeat I am, I'm always smiling, always positive, this after having breast cancer. The woman she was telling immediately looked at my chest. I almost spit out my wine it was that obvious hahahahaha

I can remember the night I found the lump, I likely will never forget that night. It was like yesterday. It was by far the worst night of my life, I was the most scared I had ever been in my life, but I am so grateful that my amazing husband was there for me. He put his arms around me and held me. It's always made me feel safer being in his arms and this night was no different.

I knew we had one hell of a journey ahead of us, but together we'd KICK CANCER'S ASS!!!

I'm am not done this journey yet, and to be honest I'm not sure I could ever consider myself 'done' but I do know it has made me a better person then I was before.

2011 is going to be an amazing year for both Sean and I, and my kids..I can feel it!

Thank you to all my friends who have been there for me. You are the best. It was awesome to know I could count on you guys to put a smile on my face whenever I needed it!

Keep Smilin'

Exciting happenings at Scrap~tures!!

2010-12-01T17:37:00.000-05:00

We have lots of exciting things happening in January and to kick it off we are having a

HUGE Kit Subscriber Promotion

Starting in January, kit subscriptions will be for 6 months rather than a year. Here at Scrap~tures, we realize how hard it can be to commit to something for an entire year and want to make things easier on you! If you sign up for a kit subscription this month to start with the January kit, you will get your 7th month kit FREE!

But wait!! That's not all!

As a bonus for signing up for a kit subscription, you will receive a 25% discount on any items that will fit in your first month's pizza box!

HOW COOL IS THAT?!

Don't forget that you will also receive for FREE for as long as you are a subcriber, every issue of Scrapbook and Cards Today Magazine!

Also commencing in January, there will be changes to taxes and shipping...

As of January 1st we are no longer charging taxes on any store or kit purchases

Unfortunately though, we have no choice but to increase shipping and handling charges. Due to Canada Post rate increases and the implementaion of HST we have to raise our rates as follows...

shipping in Ontario will increase from $8 to $10.
shipping in all other provinces will increase from $10 to $12
and shipping to the USA will increast from $12 to $14

In the end, you are still saving a bit of money with saving the taxes, for example,, an Ontario subscriber currently pays $47.55 per month for their kit, whereas starting in January, will only be paying $45.00.

So now is as good a time as any to finally make the decision to sign up for Scrap~tures kits!!

The New Me!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-11-21T10:41:00.004-05:00

This picture was taken last Christmas. I knew then I had cancer but hadn't yet told my kids. Didn't want to 'ruin' the Christmas spirit!

This picture was taken last Wednesday morning, before I went to the hair dresser..and here I am after!!! My hairdresser is a good friend, I've known her for 24 years. It was her idea to put a few highlights in to make it 'my own' look. It's been a VERY long time since I've had short hair, and to be honest I'm not very fond of it...YET
I can tell you though, that because of the highlights, I now look like I intended to have this look rather then it being the 'look of cancer' I LOVE that about it. Sean and I went out yesterday and NO ONE STARED at me...I blended right in like everyone else!

I've been asked if I'll grow my hair long again..and to that I say "heck if I know"!! It'll take years I'm sure, and the one good thing with this is, I can play around. I would imagine that as it grows and as I play with different styles, suddenly there will be an 'aha' moment where I'll say
"THAT'S IT" that's the style I like...and who knows how long it'll be when that happens!

Have a super Sunday !!!

Keep Smilin'

4 Month Survivor!!!!!!!!

2010-11-13T08:46:00.002-05:00

I asked the surgeon what date is used when someone says they are a survivor , her answer...the date of surgery! That's the day the cancer was gone..so that's the date we'll use. So, as of July 13th, 2010...I am a survivor. I've been waiting for this day since this started!!!

The surgeon said she is very pleased at how everything has went. Sean says "well if you are pleased, then we are pleased" I have to go back in April for a mammogram on both sides. They now keep a close eye on the other one as typically it can show up there, and we do not want that to happen. It's also booked for April, because she wants it done 6 months after radiation has stopped. So, I said to Sean...I want to be at least 40lbs lighter when I go back to see her in April.

That is my goal...wish me luck!!!

Have a great weekend !!!

Keep Smilin'

Off to Toronto...

2010-11-10T08:01:00.002-05:00

it's check in time with the surgeon. There aren't any tests scheduled, so it's just a 'how are you' type of appointment. She wanted to see me a month after radiation...so that's today! I'm sure she'll get some follow up tests booked in the next few months...so here' s my question. When someone says they are a cancer survivor and puts a year on it, like a 5 year survivor...5 years form when?? Is it 5 years from the day you discovered it, from the day of surgery when it was removed, 5 years from your last treatment...when? anyone know? Enlighten me if you do....thanks :)

I participated in an online event at LOVEBUG last week and the week before, and won the grand prize..who freakin cool is that. I found out Sunday, so after being spoiled rotten on the weekend, I had more good news! Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket this week...would be nice if our luck was all GOOD from now on!!!

I've started selling Epicure spices as well..can't hurt right? I doubt I'll get rich doing it, but figure if I make enough to at least buy my own stuff and maybe even feed my scrap addiction then it's all worth it! So I officially have 4 jobs now...nothing like jumping back into 'life' with both feet!!!

I still have the Herceptin treatments and doc appointment in that mix too, but hey, life is all about balance...I do however have to figure out when I can get on my treadmill each morning. I've always been a night person, so I stay up too late..I need to switch my routine and go to bed earlier so I can get up earlier and get on the treadmill..it's time to get healthy and not give Cancer a reason to return!!!

Have a great day peeps and remember...

Keep Smilin'

Sore cheeks and tummies...

2010-11-07T17:20:00.003-05:00

OH MY....this weekend was soooo much fun. I went to a crop with a SUPERB bunch of ladies that I met online years ago. I haven't went to an overnight crop with these girls in over 5 years, and man....I forgot how much fun it really was. Sean and I met up with a few of them on Friday for lunch...and the laughs began..and didn't stop until we drove away today. My tummy and cheeks hurt from all the laughter!!!!

Along with myself, two other of my good friends hadn't been to one of theses crop in year either, and we all reunited this weekend. The goal is NOT to scrapbook but to have fun with friends and that's certainly what we did. If you do manage to do a few projects as well, then it's just a bonus!

I was also lucky enough to meet 3 ladies that I haven't met before. Shannon, Crista and Chelle all from St. Catherine's. They are 'new' to our group, but boy oh boy did they fit right in. Friday night we all went to dinner at Montana's and because they are *new* we told them they had to wear paper deer and moose hats...they did with a laugh...and wore them for most of dinner! We got back to the hotel and immediately started to scrap! Jenn handed me a pizza box FULL of scrap goodies as well as a handmade 'T' with a butterfly on it. Simply gorgeous!. Kellie came in and gave me a little bag full of glitter...because we all know, we girls like our glitter and bling!! Bobbie brought me blades for my Coluzzle (they've been discontinued) and along with those blades gave me ALL her Coluzzle templates. I felt like a kid at Christmas :) then Ellen handed me a box with a cute little bracelet in it, with the breast cancer symbol on it!!!

Saturday we get up, head to the scrap room and begin. It's amazing the camaraderie that we all have, considering we all met 'online'. It always feels like we've known each other for years.

I noticed a few of the ladies disappeared from the room and got a little suspicious. I asked Paulette where everyone went to received nothing more then a wink. Soon there after Paulette escorted me down to their room. Inside was Denise, Ellen, Jenn, Shannon and Paulette. They told me how they had got together to do something for me and knowing I don't like to be the center of attention, did this in private. They handed me a gift bag with an album inside, an envelope of goodies, and butterfly template and stickers and a package of homemade cards. There was also a hat with 'ONE TOUGH CHICK' on it in bright pink! I was dumbfounded, I still am. These ladies have been there for me, encouraging me since day one. I was already astounded at their generosity when Shannon stood up and handed me a Cricut. For those of you that don't know, a Cricut is a die cutting machine. I've wanted one for ever but just couldn't afford it. She had this one and didn't use it, and just GAVE it to me...that was it, I cried. I was doing so good, not shedding a tear figuring I'd gotten away with being ONE TOUGH CHICK but nope, that did it. Thankfully it brought them to tears too...so it was all worth it! Paulette filled a jar full of jelly beans for a 'guess how many' contest and YEP, you guess it..I won..

We then did a Christmas Craft exchange (everything had to be homemade) with a few of the ladies that made things. I was given the gift made by Ellen....they were homemade sparkly Christmas tree ornaments. They are simply gorgeous! She also made a HUGE clothes pin with 'NOTES' on it, as well as a couple of chocolate treats.

All I can say is I'm so glad I went. Seeing Jenn & Wendy again, laughing hysterically with Denise and Paulette, as well as the others. It never seems to matter how long we go between visits, it always feels like yesterday. I'm not one for mushy things, but I am truly blessed to have these women in my life!

Keep Smilin'

Hello...Is it me your looking for???

2010-10-29T08:40:00.002-04:00

Hello friends...it's been a while again.

I've started back to work, but now have two jobs so my time is once again limited. I went back to my old job which I think at this point is just a couple days a week. It's very tiring although i'm stubborn and won't let that slow me down, I can't. For those of you that don't know, I'm also a mortgage broker. Of course that's by commission only, so I need to 'get my name out there' so to speak, but I have to start somewhere. I started this career path before the cancer diagnosis...my theory was that it was my turn to take care of my family, since Sean no longer can. It was of course delayed by a few months thanks to someones idea that we needed more on or plate but I'm back and planning on kicking some financial woes ass!!

Hopefully by the time Mom & Dad sell the business and retire, I'll be a successful mortgage broker!!

Things have started to look up though, we went to court to have Sean's owing child support lowered, since he hasn't worked in two years. Of course the ex said 'no' but lucky for us, it wasn't her decision..we were so happy...it's DONE..NO MORE EX!!!!!

Sean received his 'termination' letter from his employer. We knew they wouldn't take him back after the injury (we even said this while he was flat on his back in the hospital). This of course also means his benefits are ending soon. Sean's drugs alone on a monthly basis are around $350 - 400 so this is the new obstacle to get over.

Sunlife has yet to agree that he has a permanent disability( too bad they wouldn't come and visit, to see just how bad he is) so if we don't get that changed, as of April 2011 he will have zero income as the disability payments will cease. We haven't given up on that yet, but need to get his doctor to submit paperwork...so fingers crossed this will work out too. If not, we'll persevere once again and make it work, we always do :)

What a couple of years we have had...and to be honest, we know of no other couple that has endured what we have. We've not once had to take any sort of medication to be able to get through it, we didn't start smoking again( lord knows how many of us have heard smoking calms the nerves) nor have we turned into alcoholics. We get up every day and thank each other for being there for the other one.

I have a few really good friends that I want to thank for being there every step of the way. You know who you are. I have to say that I thank scrapbooking for bringing us together. You have had nothing but encouraging words , hugs and smiles through everything Sean and I have had to endure and I have no doubt you'll be there forever. I can't thank you all enough for the unconditional friendship you have all given me. We all came together with one thing in common and it's made us great friends, regardless of our different situations, either financially or emotionally and I could never be more grateful!

Enough of this sappy stuff..it's Friday..LET'S PARTY!!!!

Keep Smilin'

Hello All!!

2010-10-17T09:39:00.007-04:00

Scrap~tures is the sponsor this week at Creative Scrappers!

Check it out and you could win a Scrap~tures kit!!!

Here is a layout I did using one of their amazing sketches

Head on over to Creative Scrappers and check out all their awesome sketches!! You might even be lucky and win a free kit!!

Burn baby burn!

2010-10-10T08:06:00.002-04:00

Yep, the radiation burn is so uncomfortable. It hurts to wear a bra or camisole, but is uncomfortable to not wear one too :S I told mom I'd try coming back to work on Tuesday but if I don't feel better I'm not sure I'll be going back. Doctor said the side effects peak in the two weeks following last treatment so I guess this is what he meant. The burn gets worse :( Under my arm is swollen which makes it hard to sleep. I can't sleep on my right side, hurts too much. If I sleep on my back all night it starts to ache and on my left side I need a pillow under my arm to cushion against the burn. Never take for granted getting a good nights sleep....I don't remember the last time I did. I hate to complain though, and most of the time I don't. It is what it is, can't change it, just need to give it time.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!! We have have lots to be thankful for so remember those things today.

Today is also my parents 46th wedding anniversary. Cool eh!

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month so remember to get your PINK ON!!

Keep Smilin'

Step 3 complete......

2010-10-06T13:38:00.003-04:00

Step one-->Chemotherapy-->COMPLETE
Step two-->Surgery--------->COMPLETE
Step three->Radiation------->COMPLETE
Step four-->Herceptin-------> Incomplete

yayyyyyyyyy OMG, I can't tell you how happy I am to have this step over and done with. Talk about tiring. Some days my eyes would just close on the way home from Barrie (good thing I wasn't driving)

All that's left is the Herceptin which if I have it figured right, and have no delays should be complete right around the end of April, first of May...these treatments are once every 3 weeks, so not nearly the running around like radiation.

Thanks to all of you that have stuck by my blog and offered words of encouragement. I anticipate a much more boring life from here on out. I do plan to keep my blog updated, it just might not be quite as interesting hahahahahahahahaha but I would love it for you all to stick around!!!

Keep Smilin'

Wow, you look good...

2010-10-05T06:17:00.002-04:00

short hair suits you....hmmm...ever wonder if people tell you that because they feel obligated to make you feel good. I look in the mirror and I see a cancer patient..not some stunning woman with really really short hair. I guess it's because I didn't have a choice..and really..who is going to say ' wow, you look terrible with short hair'. Now that I go just about everywhere without my wig, I get lots of comments...but for some reason they don't make me feel better. I said to my friend on the weekend, after she and her husband both told me I shouldn't worry about how I look , because I look fine...unless you've went through this, there is just no way you could possibly understand how I feel! If it was my choice to cut my hair really short..then fine..but I didn't have that luxury..and quite frankly...I'm SICK of looking like a cancer patient! Wearing the wig meant I could blend in with everyone else, without being stared at like I've got some disease..oh wait, I do!!!!

Sean tells me all the time I look great, bless his heart..but again, would he say any different? I am meeting up with some friends next month, and part of the reason why I don't want to go is because of how I look. They all say they don't care how I look, it's what's inside that matters but I care...aren't I supposed to care? I wish I could hibernate until this was all over, come out looking the same as when I went in. Now, I've never been one to 'stress' about my looks...but this is different, again because I think all these changes were not my choice. I'll get over it, I'm tough, nothing a little red wine won't fix ;)

Today is my second last radiation treatment. I thought all was going well until the nurse noticed yesterday that the skin has broken and peeled under my breast. Well lucky me...why would I think I'd be special and not have one more crappy thing to experience....oh yeah, cause I'm tough and can handle it. My entire breast looks looks like a sunburn, doesn't feel like one though. It's not warm to touch. Freaky actually! It does get itchy, but can't scratch as that can irritate the skin as well. I haven't wore a bra in 3 weeks to try and prevent irritation but instead wear a camisole but that didn't seem to make a difference. I have a recipe for a salt water solution that I now have to apply at least 4 times a day and let air dry. Ok, did anyone mention I have a 13 year old at home..pretty sure she doesn't need to see her mom walking around topless 'air drying' the girls hahahahahahahaha!

Only two left, then the doc says the side effects get worse two weeks after the final treatment, then they'll start to get better...well bring it on...there is nothing I can't handle!!!!! I already have battle scars to prove I'm not going down without a fight...so hit me with all you've got!!!!

I will be back <3

Keep Smilin'

Almost Over...at least this step

2010-09-30T15:24:00.003-04:00

Today was radiation treatment #17 of 21..just 4 more to go. These last 5 are what is called a 'boost' The first 16 were treating the whole breast, chest wall and everything in and around. The 'burn' is a square patch covering the entire breast. These last 5 are directed right at the spot the tumor was removed to give it an extra zap!!! I'm so flippin tired...I actually fell asleep coming back from the hospital today..just a couple hours after getting out of bed..that normally never happens. I wish I could say this was the end of this nightmare, but nope...I still have Herceptin treatments until next spring...providing my heart holds out. It has affected it before, and I'll find out tomorrow if it's been affected again. I'm hoping not, I'd like to keep the treatments going for extra peace of mind.

I will likely go back to my old job in a couple weeks, at least for a few hours here and there. Financially yes I need to , but honestly I'm not looking forward to being there. I never liked my job before and not being there in the last 8 months hasn't bothered me at all. I know I won't be able to do my normal hours, I'm just way too tired so we'll see what happens.

Reece will be home from school soon, so I need to get something going for dinner....have a great evening !!

Keep Smilin'

The pics I promised...

2010-09-27T16:26:00.008-04:00

Here is a picture of my two girls...aren't they gorgeous! The other day, I went to use my camera and my battery was dead. I was trying to get the layouts done for my challenges at Scrap~tures. Well, I guess being tired and trying to get things done I snapped...Sean offered to go and get me a battery. He was just as tired as I was but went anyway. We live about 30 minutes from any store, so away he went. When he finally returned, he handed me the battery and this one red rose. What a sweetie. He bought me a card as well that was amazing. Inside he said 'I'm here for you for whatever you need, even batteries'...

Krystal gave me this beautiful necklace..I so adore it. I even had a lady tell me it was so pretty.

Isn't this adorable!!!! My friend Dayle sent this to me. Here's the funny thing. We literally live 5 minutes from each other, and she MAILED it to me!! We have both been busy and just couldn't seem to get together!

Only 7 more radiation treatments to go~~~

MIA again...

2010-09-23T22:49:00.002-04:00

Man, I can't believe how many days just zip on by. I have had a week from hell..in terms of time on the computer.

My computer was running slow so I took it to the doctor (heck, it belongs to me, so therefore needs a doc too..go figure) I had a virus among other things so it's been in the 'shop' for 3 days.

The running to radiation every morning is taking it's toll on me and Sean...it's so tiring. I offered to go myself so he could rest..as all the driving is really reaking havoc on his back, but he refused...which I knew he would but I wanted to offer anyway.

I have let down my friend Denise, in not fullfilling my committment to her with regards to Scrap~tures..but with any luck she'll forgive me!!

I also found out last weekend that I'm going to be a grandma...HOLY FREAKIN MOLY ( and I mean that in a good way) My daughter is 20 years old and has been with the baby's father for over a year. No, this wasn't' planned but sometimes the best things in life are surprises. She's has an amazing support system with Sean and I..and with any luck a few more will ride the train with us. My good friend Nicole even offered to babysit. Another acquaintance offered all kinds of baby stuff..no charge! All I can think of is all the new scrapbook pages I can create...I didn't start scrapping until after my kids were way past the baby stage, so this is going to be soooooo much fun!!!!

I have some pictures to show you, but it's late, so I'll upload them later. A good friend of mine gave me a bracelet. It's so pretty..with tiny breast cancer symbols on it. Krystal (my daughter) also gave me a necklace that is truly priceless. I also have a great picture of my girls to upload.

I just finished round 12 of 21 radiation treatments. I do have a radiation burn which at this point looks like a sun burnt boobie. It's likely going to get worse , but I'm hoping I can keep it from breaking the skin..which makes it harder to heal. I have a cream I apply at least twice a day and have went a couple of days without a bra to ease in the discomfort. I would much rather wear a bra though. I don't complain though..I see the pain Sean is in everyday, so what's going on with me is pretty minor.

We stopped at Mom's today and picked up a cane to see if it would alleviate some of the pain Sean gets when he walks. It was my grandpa's cane...and so far seems to be helping. Sean said to mom that he never thought he'd see the day that he'd use a cane. Even my mom at 67 years old could run circles around Sean. It's hard to hold back the tears when I see and hear the pain he's in 24/7. There is no amount of money in this world that could fix him and that makes me so sad
:(

That's all for now, it's late and I need to head to bed. I'm so exhausted....although I think it's more from pushing myself to do more then I should be rather then the treatments them self..but who really knows for sure

Keep Smilin'

4 down, 17 to go...

2010-09-12T07:45:00.003-04:00

My first week of radiation is behind me.....just 17 more treatments to go. When I first found this, I couldn't help but think 'why me' ....but haven't really thought that lately. Yesterday, I had that thought again....I made the decision a long time ago to kick cancer square in the ass..I mean seriously , what other choice do any of us have...but then all of a sudden...that feeling comes screaming back..'WHY ME'....

I don't believe in a higher power anymore (not really sure if I did in the fist place) If someone 'up there' is in charge of everything down here, then why are good people and children getting these terrible diseases while murderers and pedophiles live to be a ripe old age. Makes no sense to me.

No ,I'm not feeling sorry for myself...wouldn't waste the time on that nonsense...just more or less rambling away.

We are headed back to Milton today for the rest of Reece's soccer tournament. The team won both games yesterday and they played amazing! Reece scored a sweeeeeeeeet goal...of course after her dad told her he'd give her $80 for a goal..never thinking she'd get one so that was of course the big joke for the rest of the game. I think today he's going with duct tape across his mouth hahahahahahahahaha

Have a great day..enjoy your family, wake up with a smile, enjoy life!

Keep Smilin'

1 down 20 to go...

2010-09-08T04:29:00.006-04:00

First radiation treatment done..piece of cake....literally takes 45 seconds for shot for which I get 2! Today I am going to get my blood work done as well, save time tomorrow. Tomorrow I have my doctors appointment (which is pointless) and my Herceptin on Friday. The reason I say pointless is because my blood counts aren't affected with Herceptin so it's a waste of time. I can't remember if I mentioned this , but last month...I literally waited an hour to see the doctor (my appointment was at 1:30...got in to see the doc at 2:40) for a 10 second appointment. Paid $9 for parking and was really not impressed. I have to laugh, as they say to eliminate as much stress in your life as possible to help fight what's happening, but sometimes I think it's the docs that cause a lot of stress..hahahahahahaha. I did send an email off to patient services..and then received a phone call saying they are looking into their policies. We'll see if anything changes..you never know if you don't ask. Seems silly to lay off nurses, then do unnecessary procedures that waste money!

I love these!! I want to make myself a few t-shirts!

So, today is treatment #2..I tell ya, I think I should have been a topless waitress...I never thought I'd see the day that I'd be so comfortable taking off my shirt. I guess modesty goes out the window when something becomes so common. The radiation oncology nurses so far are great. The lady I had yesterday actually only lives 15 minutes from me!

If anyone EVER sees a set of pink boxing gloves, let me know, I would LOVE to have a set! I can't wait to be able to say I'm a survivor..although I guess I could say it now, I think it would be more appropriate when treatments are complete. Not sure if there is protocol when it comes to this or not.

I love this one especially...

Have a wonderful Wednesday!!

Keep Smilin'

First Day of School......yayyyyyyyyyy

2010-09-07T09:22:00.003-04:00

and of course Reece was up and ready in lots of time, and soooooooo excited. It might have had something to do with us not allowing her to wear her new stuff until school started hahahahaha
Hard to believe my baby girl is starting grade 8! Seems the years just fly right on by lately~!
It's my first day of radiation too...I'll be glad when this is over. Although I still have the Herceptin to do, and echo cardiograms...I should be able to get back to some sort of routine, although I think part of me is going to miss being at home!

Have a great day!

Keep Smilin'

Day One..........

2010-09-06T13:36:00.005-04:00

starts tomorrow..the first of 21 radiation treatments. What this means is every single weekday I have to drive 40 minutes to and from Barrie for a 15 minute treatment. I could arrange to stay in Barrie..but it would be by myself..and with no money, what the heck would I do for the rest of the day after treatment is done!!! I am still very tired although I did just mention to my friend Jenn, that I think it's because I don't rest enough. I know I should. They say radiation causes fatigue as well, but apparently it can come from the travelling to and from more so then the treatment itself!!

I also need to lose quite a bit of weight to be healthy. Being overweight can be a huge factor in recurrence. I did just return from my first walk. I didn't go far but far enough that my heart rate was pumping and I could feel it in my legs, so it's a start. I just need to do it every single day...and to push myself to go farther! I have been looking around for a treadmill..CHEAP of course LOL..so with any luck I'll find one.

I found this awesome site

http://www.shop.thecrazyheifer.com/Breast-Cancer-Awareness-Tops_c10.htm

Look at this stuff, it's so adorable~ I am definitely going to be placing an order...just as soon as I can. H

So you might have noticed, I've changed my blog a bit...mainly got rid of the sunflower, although I love sunflowers, I absolutely love PINK even better..and thought it more fitting to have a pink blog!

Do you ever have those moments that just make you shake your head? I think I've said this before...but I think when you are faced with something serious like cancer it makes you look at others differently...and wonder what makes people do the things they do. When we had money and could buy the things we wanted/needed..we just did. I didn't throw it into peoples faces that we were able to buy stuff, we just did it. I especially didn't 'brag' to people that I knew for a fact weren't as well off as we were at the time. This has happened to us a few times lately...and I just can't for the life of me figure out what possesses people to act like this. I guess it makes them feel better to know they have more then the other person which is fine...just don't shove it down their throat!! Ok, that's my rant for today...hahahahaha ranting is supposed to be good for you..as long as you can let it all go once you're done!!!

I'm off to scrap...I have a few challenges I'd like to get done for Scrap~tures

Keep Smilin'

More Thank You's...

2010-08-26T16:51:00.003-04:00

I received this bulky envelope in the mail this week, and this is what I found...my pal Paulette has once again put a huge smile on my face. She sent me this key chain...I've already got keys on it...I absolutely love it..THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH I stopped at my work yesterday to get mom's car to take to the city for my appointment and this is what I found waiting for me!! My mom's best friend dropped this mum off for me...it's so pretty...I just love the colour :)

I also received an envelope stuffed to the brim with school supplies from my new pal Michelle....she sent Reece some paper, duo tangs, markers, pens, pencils, pencil crayons, glue...I mean seriously, the envelope was stuffed..THANK YOU SO MUCH MICHELLE...this will help Reece get back to school soooooo much easier!

I went to Sunnybrook in Toronto yesterday for my set up appointment for radiation. I am know the recipient of 4 tiny blue tattoo's...aren't I lucky (insert eye rolling smilie here)
I should hear soon when radiation will start. They said within two weeks...but like the key chain says, I'm a touch chick...so BRING IT ON!!!!!

Soggy Weekend...

2010-08-22T16:02:00.002-04:00

Wow, it's rained almost all weekend. Reece lost her first game 1 - 0, then tied the next two games at 0-0 so we had to go back today to play in the semi finals. The field was terrible..HUGE puddles of water and mud..it poured the entire game. The girls were soaked to the bone as well as us parents! They lost the game 1 - 0 :( so we came home and didn't make the finals. Stopped at a friends last night for a little visit..didn't get to talk much though..they had lots of other company but had a few laughs which was good!

I am off to Sunnybrook Health Science Centre this Wednesday for my radiation CT Scan and tattoo's. The CT isn't a regular one, and must be done in the exact position I will be in when I get the radiation. This means my arm will be stretched out a bit...hopefully it won't hurt too bad. It's still numb, sore and very tender in spots...but this has to be done~!~ The tattoo's are 4 little spot that are apparently permanent (but will hopefully fade) that are used as guide marks for the radiation machine. Should be interesting to say the least~~

Hard to believe summer is almost over :( I could live in a warm climate all year round~~

Have a super Sunday...hopefully it's dry where you are :)

Keep Smilin'

The results are in...

2010-08-20T18:29:00.004-04:00

and after spending all day Wednesday at the hospital in Barrie for Sean's tests...we were told he isn't a candidate for the procedure. It's very disappointing..we were really hoping this would be the answer to some pain relief. We didn't even care at this point if he would be able to go back to his job, just that he could get some pain relief and it didn't work. We have an appointment with our family doc at the end of the month to inquire as to any more options other then taking pain meds for the rest of his life :(

Reece is in a soccer tournament this weekend in Thornhill..which is over an hour away.I just saw the weather report and they are calling for rain all weekend, so that's not good. I am crossing my fingers that it won't rain where we are~ I think there is a scrapbook store in Thornhill though, which I'm hoping to convince Sean to take me too. Although I can't buy anything, it's neat to see what they have...I'll keep you posted!!!

I'm off, I have a layout I have to get done tonight......and need to make our lunch for tomorrow so have a great evening!

What's Up Peeps???

2010-08-17T18:39:00.002-04:00

Wow, I'm getting slack in my updating...maybe that means my life is returning to somewhat normal~~ Let's hope :)

The rest of this week is going to be busy though...

Tomorrow, we are off to the hospital in Barrie...more for Sean this time though. He is having a bone scan, a CT Scan then a consultation with a Radiologist to see if he's a candidate for Vertebroplasty.
Vertebroplasty is a medical spinal procedure where bone cement is injected through a small hole in the skin (percutaneously) into a fractured vertebra with the goal of relieving the pain of osteoporotic compression fractures.

We have to be at the hospital at 8:45...the consultation is at 1pm...so we shall see what he says.

I am also meeting with the radiation oncologist at some point tomorrow and having blood work..

Thursday I have a doctors appointment to find out if I can have my Herceptin treatment Friday. It'll all depend on the echo results from last week. Have I mentioned I am getting tired of hospitals hahahahahahahahaha..even my mom said we should sell our house and move next door!!!

So, the weekend will be here before ya know it...Reece has a soccer tournament in Thornhill...hoping to borrow my moms car but we'll see. I am pretty sure there is a Scrapbook store in Thornhill too...and while I don't have a lot of money...I did tell Sean that it doesn't cost anything to look hahahahahahaha...I'll let you know how that goes~~~

Have a great week!!

Keep Smilin'

yayyyyyyy for me!!!

2010-08-15T09:12:00.003-04:00

So, some of you already know, but I thought I should update my blog with what's been happening for those of you I haven't yet told...

I went to the surgeon on August 11th for my post op check up...and pathology results. My surgeon told me she got a clear margin around the tumor and all the lymph nodes she removed came back completely CLEAR of cancer!!!!!

I am meeting with the radiation oncologist this week to see when that's going to start, and how many treatments I'll have to have. Soooooooo STEP 2 complete..

Thanks to all of your positive vibes and well wishes...I truly believe that attitude plays such a huge role in recovery...my motto..'WAKE UP EVERYDAY WITH A SMILE'

I also went to help out my mom for a few days, it was our year end at work, which just means a ton more work...so she gave me some cash as a thank you ( to be added to all the other cash she's given us :S ) We turned right around and spent that money on Reece..for school. Yes, I did have a ton of bills I could have paid but decided to use the money on Reece instead..

Also, I received notice last week, that I was approved for CPP Disability. It's less then what I was getting on EI benefits, but a heck of a lot better then nothing at all!! SO...thinks are looking up!!!!!

Have a super great day..I'm hoping to do some scrappin'

Keep Smilin'

Summer Scrumptious Scrappy Give Away!!!

2010-08-10T12:40:00.004-04:00

Check out this amazing prize pack~~ Denise from Scrap~tures has put together and absolutely yummy package for the prize for this contest. All you have to do is head on over to the Scrap~tures Blog to find out how you can enter to win all these amazing scrap goodies

~~~Don't delay~~~

The deadline to enter the contest is August 31st~~

Thinks that just make you wonder....

2010-08-10T10:15:00.002-04:00

Ever have those moments, that just make you shake your head? I think once you go through something important you tend to look at things a little differently...and not sweat the small stuff...although that doesn't stop you from wanting to smack someone upside the head for being completely unreasonable, or downright ridiculous.

It always amazes me when grown men and woman act more inmature then children. There are a couple situations in my life at the moment that make me realize exactly how grown up my 13 year old daughter really is.

When you see someone take advantage of someone else...it is really disheartening..especially when the person being taken advantage is an absolute doll, but in the end the person that is taking advantage has to live with themselves..and if they have no conscience it'll be easy for them to do~~

It always makes me giggle when you see people post their woes in their Facebook status'...it's like crying out..PLEASE..feel sorry for me...unfortunately there is always another side to every story that most people don't get to hear. There are true friends, then there are acquaintance friends that while they like to think they are being a true friend, are in fact the complete opposite. This holds true with the rest of the persons life as well. Have you ever noticed as well , that these people that think they are 'the best' are the ones that cause friction with lots of different people in lots of different situations?

SOOOOOOO enough of that ...

I go back to the surgeon tomorrow...to get the results of the pathology report. I'm not sure i'm worried, I mean the chemo worked so well, I have complete faith that the report will be awesome, but I think it's normal for a small part of me to be worried. I'm not sure if she (the surgeon) will let me know when radiation is going to start. I can tell you that I'll be really glad when this year is over~~

Today is reveal day at Scrap~tures...revealing the August scrapbook and card kits. These kits are simply amazing. There is so much product to easily create quite a number of projects. If you are a fan of kits, don't hesitate to stop by and check these out. They are economical as well.

Stay tuned for tomorrow...there will be a contest announcement that I'm sure you won't want to miss out on!!!!

Have a great day!!

Keep Smilin'

Yay, it's Friday...

2010-07-30T08:53:00.002-04:00

and a long weekend for most of you (since every weekend is a long weekend for me at the moment) so first and foremost...BE SAFE!!!!

I have a Herceptin treatment today in Barrie. It was originally scheduled for two weeks ago, but that was the week of surgery so figured I'd be pushing it to get this treatment two days after ..so it was postponed until last week, but when I went for my doctors appointment I found out the Herceptin did in fact affect my heart. The pumping capability of your heart is measured with an echo cardiogram..which is why I need to have those on a regular basis while on this treatment and afterward. I was sent for one before any Herceptin so they new where my heart started out ..which was at a pumping rate of 65. I went for an echo on July 2nd...which showed a rate of 55. Apparently if I'd started out at 55 that would be fine, but because I started at 65, 55 was quite a drop sooooo no treatment last week, but another echo was done instead. It did show the rate back up to 67 (the heart is amazing and does repair itself) so now treatment is today. I was supposed to have echo's every 3 months, but now I think they are going to be even more frequent..lucky me!

My arm is still really sore...because the nerves were cut, it's sort of feels like I have an extreme sunburn, so when clothing brushes against my upper arm it hurts. I'm not taking anything for it..I hate to take medication when I can put up with it. I need to start doing more exercises as well...I only have about 50% use of it still at this point. I was told though, it can take 8 weeks to regain full movement..but I think I've said it before, I'm impatient hahahahahahahaha

Hoping to have a barbecue this weekend with my older kids. My daughter lives in Mississauga so we're having trouble finding her a ride up. My vehicle isn't in great shape anymore so I really don't want to drive it down there. If something happens to it, I'm in big trouble, as it's our only vehicle to get me to my appointments. Hopefully something will work out.

This weekend is year end at work, so I told mom I'd come help them with inventory. Not sure how long my arm will hold out, but we can take turns counting and writing. We had a driver quit this week (they always think there are greener pastures somewhere else) which puts my dad in a bind once again. He's so good to his employees, but it never seems to matter. Of course we are still left with a driver, but he's pretty much useless and can't do the major runs that this one that quit can, so I'm sure my dad is majorly stressed (and at age 67 he shouldn't even be concerned with crap like this) so anything we can do to help get 'year end' out of the way easier is a help.

Anyhoot..I'm out of here.....have a super weekend......and like is said at the beginning BE SAFE

Keep Smilin'

Good Sunday Morning!!

2010-07-25T12:35:00.002-04:00

SOOOOOOO yesterday was a pretty good day...I didn't do anything special, but I did get to talk to both my older kids on the phone yesterday which was awesome!! We might even be able to get together next weekend for a barbeque!!

I was thinking the other day, about how when someone says they have cancer, most people think...chemo then radiation then with any luck , other then regular check ups that person is done treatment. I used to think this way too, so I sat down and made a list of everything that has happened to me since last December...this might just boggle your mind!!!

Remember--> I have never had stitches, broken a bone, been sick, and I literally only used to take MAYBE 4 Tylenol a year for the odd headache (that was usually wine induced hahahaha)

1 needle breast biopsy
1 wire localization
3 mammograms
1 breast ultrasound
2 MRI's
10 breast exams (although some of those docs were cute hahahahaha)
6 chemotherapy treatments
1 P.I.C.C. line
1 surgery
1 drain tube
12 staples
aprox 12 dissolving stitches
1 MUGA scan
1 Bone scan
10 blood tests
3 echo cardiograms( LOTS more to go)
1 electrocardiogram
2 chest xrays
4 Herceptin treatments (14 more to go)
and 1 lovely allergy to adhesives (all tapes and bandages)

This is by no means the end of these tests either...this almost boggled my mind when I wrote it out!

Freaky isn't it!

Ok, so I'm going to go start something creative...have a great day~!

Keep Smilin'

My friends are AWESOME!!!

2010-07-24T11:58:00.001-04:00

I love getting good mail, heck who doesn't..but I tell ya, I have some of the most amazing friends ever! Here are some pictures of what I've received. I told Sean the other day, I don't know where I'd be without all the thoughtfulness of my scrappy friends..

This is from Paulette..my very dear friend. She's so generous, and just an absolute sweetheart. She sent me the beautiful flowers last week, then this week she sent me this. I was SOO in need of the hermifix refills...I was coming close to being out...but not now :)I had asked Wendy(Wendance) if when she had some time if she could stamp me some Magnolia images. I absolutely adore Magnolia but at this time, can't afford to buy any stamps. She sent this...the images PLUS a stamp set! They are going to be awesome for making cards..she's so sweet~

My friend Shannon from Saskatchewan sent me this package this week. I absolutely adore it all~ The flowers are so cool, I can't wait to use them ...and the chipboard..well I'm hoping to use it for something that I can display in my craft room...once I get it figured out and made, you can be sure I'll be posting it here for all to see~

I have another awesome friend...Wendy (Jax). She sent me this package this week. The little stamps are adorable, the bling is super cool, the 'friendship' quotes are going to be perfect for just about anything I use them on...and those little pink clips...ohhh I can't wait to use them too..

and finally this awesome package is from Carla...I won a RAK for doing sketches at Lovebug scrapbooking and was shocked to see this in my mailbox. The paper pad is all Christmas themed as well as the two stamps...absolutely perfect for making this years Christmas cards!!

My plan this weekend is to scrap and start using all these amazing supplies that my friends have sent me. You guys are simply the best!!!!

Wow, Time Flies...

2010-07-20T11:51:00.002-04:00

Hard to believe it's been 7 days since surgery...and today I had 6 of the 12 staples removed..yayyyyyy. The tape that's being used to hold the gauze on is leaving my skin red and sore...seems I've developed a bit of an adhesive allergy..likely from chemo. Also chemo has cause medical menopause..which I can't say is bothering me one little bit ...hahahahahaha...I'm hoping it'll last...sometimes it does~~funny how there is always something good that comes from something you think is bad~

I got for my Herceptin treatment this week too (yay, another needle poke..or make that two hahahaha) so I think I'm going to make an appointment with the dietitian at the hospital. I need to eat better...and lose weight. I can't afford Weight Watchers right now, so I'm going to do this on my own. We eat fairly good now, but I know it could be improved and I'm pretty sure we don't eat the required number of servings that we should so hopefully she'll give us some advice. It's proven that losing weight helps to prevent the cancer from reoccurring which is exactly what I am aiming for!!

Nothing else really happening around here...might work on something scrappy this afternoon. Beautiful sunny day so I might just soak up a wee bit of vitamin D this afternoon, and yes I know a lot of sun isn't good for you either so it'll only be a small dose~

have a wonderful day

Keep Smilin'

Why does everything have to be so difficult...

2010-07-19T15:45:00.004-04:00

Remember when I mentioned about those organizations that help out breast cancer patients? Well I applied to one and man..it was hard to do. Sean and I have always been independent..so asking in the first place was tough..but the application in my opinion is ridiculous. They wanted all sorts of income information..ok that makes sense. Then a medical person (either the doctor or social worker has to sign that the info is true and correct) ok, that makes sense too...They wanted tax returns from last year and notice of assessments from the government. Ok sent those..so I get a letter two weeks ago saying I needed to send ORIGINAL grocery receipts (which I didn't keep because I didn't know I needed to) and a parking log since the hospital didn't' give receipts for all the money we've spent parking. OK, so done...I had to send copies of bank statements to prove groceries but no biggie..done...SOOOOOOO

I get an email today saying they need my COMPLETE tax return. I thought I had sent it so when I asked her she said No, that I sent a summary...they need the entire thing. It's 32 freakin pages long, that I would have to print off..and I was working last year..so this makes no sense to me what so ever...I didn't stop working until February of this year. It's like I said to Sean, if I made 100 thousand dollars last year, I wouldn't be asking for help...and they have the Notice of Assessment from the government..which is the FINAL tax summary.

So basically I said I wasn't printing off 32 pages and mailing it out...that they might as well mail me back all my ORIGINAL documents and I'll worry about all this crap myself. Honestly...it's like they don't believe that we need help.

Makes me laugh..A Notice of Assessment can be accepted as proof of income to do a mortgage but they won't accept it to give me help with a couple bills...sheesh..

Still haven't heard from the government disability pension either, so I'm going onto month 2 with zero income..and it kills me almost every day that we can't do anything with Reece..not even something small. I have no idea how I'm going to get her the back to school stuff she needs, but I'm sure we'll figure something out!!

Man, it just ticks me off.....especially when their mission statement is

"To provide assistance to women/men in order to make their fight with breast cancer a little less challenge" ....well I'd say they make it VERY CHALLENGING to even be accepted.

Anyhow, I thought I'd share a couple photo's...I was on the 18th floor of Princess Margaret Hospital..and boy did I wish I had my camera ...Sean and Reece brought it down when they came to pick me up and took these shots...those were the view from my room. It was so pretty at night, with the entire city lit up. I honestly don't consider Toronto a 'pretty place' but when you see the sky line all it up at night, it's gorgeous...

I am pretty sure I get some of the staples out tomorrow. There is quite a bit of bruising under my arm, but I heal fast so that's good. They take out alternate staples apparently so with any luck on Wednesday the drain and the balance of the staples will be removed. That should make for an easy sleep at night at least.

That's all for today..have a good one~~

Keep Smilin'

Yay, it's Friday...

2010-07-16T11:08:00.004-04:00

hard to believe it's been 3 days since surgery...I've had the dressings changed twice..the nurse came last night around 5pm and again this morning at 9:30am...I have dissolving stitches closing the incision on my breast but staples closing the one under my arm. Apparently they look good , according to the nurse...so we'll see. My arm is mighty stiff though...and completely numb on the underside which is normal. The numbness can last forever in some cases...I'm hoping not in mine. I'm doing my exercises to keep everything working properly...last thing I need is 'frozen shoulder' which I guess is quite common as people are afraid to move their arms very much. We were told that frozen shoulder can sometimes take months to fix and recover from so it's not something I want...so exercises it is~~~

These beautiful flowers arrived yesterday , they are from Paulette..my very dear friend. It's amazing how fresh beautiful smelling flowers can just make everything that much better. They are simply gorgeous. I love when a breeze comes through and all I can smell are the flowers....Thank you so much Paulette...you are truly a wonderful friend~

I also received a card from the lady that has been going through her treatments the same time I was. She's finally finished with hers as well and is in complete remission. Inside that card were two gift cards to Subway...I was stunned. She's had so much on her plate this last few months too. She thought it would be nice if Sean didn't have to worry about making a few meals for us, and to just let him worry about taking care of me instead of feeding us..wasn't that just awesome of her~

I can't shower until the drain comes out...which might sound bad, but hey..Sean volunteered to 'wash me' so how bad can not showering really be hahahahahahahaha...He's pretty good at being my nurse...and to be honest, the fringe benefits are pretty cool too!!! :) :) :) He's such a sweetheart....offering to get me anything I might need to be more comfortable.....I'm not sure where I'd be without him through all this~~

OK, so that's enough typing for now...it's good to keep my arm moving, but it sure tires me out fast too...

Thanks again for all your well wishes, the power of positive vibes is an amazing thing!!

Keep Smilin'

Part 2 complete!!!

2010-07-14T17:24:00.005-04:00

So, surgery is now complete...and boy I can't begin to tell you how glad I am that this part of the journey is over. Since never having had anything like this before it was certainly interesting, but I must say that everyone was absolutely amazing.

I was up at 4am yesterday, not because I had to be, but because I couldn't sleep..anxiety I suspect.....we were in Toronto at Princess Margaret at 6:50am...and from there we waited. I had to have what they call "wire localization" which is where the insert a wire on either side of what's left of the tumor using a mammography machine and a computer. So...I would say I was basically squished in the machine approximately 10 times..while these wires were being inserted. Lucky for me the girl doing it was in training (and yes there was sarcasm in my typing LOL )

Then it was off to surgery. My surgeon is a woman and a great one at that...but she also had a resident working with her and let me tell ya, he was easy to look at. Just my luck though, he was likely touching my boob and I'll never remember hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

It's quite a feeling to be staring at the ceiling one minute then waking up staring at a completely different ceiling the next...all I could think of was..whew..it's over! Went into surgery around 11:10 am...came out about 2 hours later.

I have a drain tube in my arm pit from where the lymph nodes were removed...it'll stay in aprox 5 days..depending on how quickly the fluid drains. I have no idea how large the cut is on my breast ...but home care is coming tomorrow to change the dressings so I guess I'll see how good/bad it is then.

When I was wheeled into my room yesterday after surgery , a nurse asked me if I knew these names and rhymed off my friends names. I said 'yes' and she said 'darn, if you had of said no I was going to keep these...

aren't they just gorgeous! They smell so amazing too. I got so many compliments from everyone that came into my room. They are from my good friend Dayle and her family. It sure made my day I tell ya.

I have an update on August 11th with the surgeon to find out the pathology report on my tumor and lymph nodes..so positive vibes for a positive report please!!!

Well, I'm going to lay down, it's been a long tiring couple of days...but wanted to update you all. Thanks for sticking with me on my journey...you all hold a special place in my heart.

It's True What They Say....

2010-07-11T07:47:00.002-04:00

that it takes something really serious for a person to find out who their real friends are. Since being diagnosed I've been amazed at the support I've received from some of my friends. People who I would not have thought even cared that much...it's so heart warming!

Just the other day I was at work, when one of our customers who I've known for quite some time popped in with a small gift for me. When she saw me (she didn't think I'd be there) she came running with a huge hug and even had tears in her eyes. It really makes me feel amazing knowing that so many people care so much!

On the other hand, It also amazes me that people I thought would be there for me ....aren't. It sort of just makes you shake your head. Oh well...I guess that's just the way it is, but it sure makes me grateful for the friends that I have that care so much~and for that I wanted to say

THANK YOU for being there for me...with all your words of encouragement...it means the world to me..and I'll say it again...my scrappy friends are simply the best...

Keep Smilin'

Scrap~tures HOT Summer Kit Club Incentive Program!!!

2010-07-11T07:44:00.000-04:00

What's going on at Scrap~tures for July? With the summer heat we are offering a hot hot deal with the Scrap~tures Kit Club Incentive Program. For the month of July we have a great incentive to sign up your friends for the awesome scrapbook and card kits.

If you already subscribe but get a friend to sign on for a year, you and your friend will get your first/next kit for FREE, if your friend signs on for 6 months, you and your friend will get your next/first kit for half price!

If you have not already signed up and want to, you will get your first kit for FREE for a 12 month subscription, and half price for a 6 month subscription.

If you are planning to take advantage of this great deal, just head on over to the scraptures store to sign up!! www.scraptures.ca

Don't miss out on this hot hot summer deal!!

Doing a happy dance here!!!

2010-07-01T09:13:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I had to meet with the surgeon to consult before surgery. I also had to have a mammogram before the consult...OUCH is all I can say...sheesh...I am amazed that with all the technology they can't come up with a more accurate machine that doesn't squish a body part like that..I think it must have been a man who invented it..I wonder if we women made a machine that squished a male body part like that...would someone then come up with a new machine hahahahahahahahaha Ok, enough of that

On June 14th I went for my MRI to check the results of the chemotherapy. The surgeon told me yesterday that I've responded very well. When I started this journey and found the lump it was aprox 5.4 cm which is considered quite large. Now, the tumor is LESS THEN 1 CM..
I'm still amazed..and so was the surgeon. I actually now have to have a procedure done before surgery where a radiologist using an ultra sound machine puts in wires on either side of the tumor so when the surgeon goes into to remove it, she knows exactly where it is..because it's SO FREAKIN SMALL...

My surgery has been booked for July 13th...and yes I'm still scared... I'll be in overnight which will be a new thing for me as well. This is being done at Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto. I've still never heard from the Barrie surgeon. She requested a copy of the MRI two weeks ago, but whether or not she received it, I have no idea so I figured I might as well just book it and get it over with.

My only advice to anyone who is or ends up facing something that you aren't sure you can handle...STAY POSITIVE!!!!!

Keep Smilin'

Lovebug Blog Hop - JUNE

2010-06-25T23:25:00.004-04:00

Welcome to Lovebug Scrapbooking's "INSPIRE US!" blog hop!! Our blog hops take place on the last Saturday of every month. Thanks so much for joining us!If you just happened by this blog and didn't realize a blog hop was taking place, please go back to Lovebug Scrapbooking and start the Hop. You won't want to miss all the inspiration from our members....... or the prizes :-)

Our theme for June is "Here Comes the Bride".

I've been married for 12 years so these two layouts are ones I had done a while ago but wanted to share. We had a western wedding, so these were done very simply.

Thanks so much for visiting my blog!

This blog hop will run from today, June 26th until June 29th.
We will be drawing for winners on June 30th on the Lovebug Blog.
Be sure to check and see if you're a WINNER!Follow along in our blog hop!
Your next stop is CARLA

Weird Wednesday

2010-06-23T19:07:00.002-04:00

go figure, I felt my first earth quake today...I did however tell Sean he made the earth move for me today :) hahahahahahaha. Apparently it was felt from Northern Pennsylvania to North Bay~!!

Tomorrow I'm off to the hospital for blood work and a doctors appointment. They've changed the way they do things at the hospital. It used to be blood work one day, then see the doctor the next. After you saw the doctor they would then order the meds (chemo or whatever you are on) from the pharmacy which could take up to an hour to get. Now by seeing the doctor the day before treatments, they are hoping to speed up the wait times. According to the chemo suite nurses, the goal is to have you into the chair at your appointment time. We'll see...for me it means screwing up two days instead of one. My appointment tomorrow is at 12 :30 so that means leaving home at 11:30 and likely won't be back home until 2 at the very earliest. It also means paying for parking ($7.00) twice instead of once. When all I had to have is blood work, we'd park out front as it literally took 5 minutes to walk in and go to the lab.
My appointment on Friday is at 12:15 for my Herceptin. The Herceptin takes 30 minutes so while it'll be nice if their new plan works, I won't spend all day at the hospital but it will ruin the better part of both days. Oh well..nothing I can do...just continue on and get this over with.

I called the Barrie surgeon today and while they requested the MRI disk last Tuesday from Mt Sinai in Toronto, they still haven't received it yet. I do have an appointment in Toronto next Wednesday to see the Toronto surgeon and find out the results. My plan is to get the opinions of both surgeons then decide my next move...but if the Barrie surgeon doesn't soon get the disk and get it read by the radiologist...I won't have a choice...I'm not waiting forever!!

That's it for today...off to scrap..or at least start something

Keep Smilin'

Wow, it's been a week...

2010-06-22T12:11:00.001-04:00

Time just flew by last week...well, every week. I'm working on paperwork today...I need to apply to a couple of organizations that help breast cancer patients.....I really hate to have to do this..and I know that's why these places are there...but man...getting cancer was bad enough, but when you continually get a kick in the pride...it just makes it worse :(

I haven't heard yet about surgery...I'm going to call later to the surgeon in Barrie and see if she's received the MRI disk yet. She requested it last Tuesday, then has to get her radiologist to read it. All I know is Surgery in July...6 weeks to heal aprox. then radiation for 5 weeks....so when I get asked if we've got plans this summer...you can imagine my answer. I see our trailer sitting in our driveway and that's likely exactly where it'll sit. I hear about friends going camping or going places...and feel bad that we can't...for Reece's sake. Seems so unfair that her life has to be affected by so much because this happened to me. Someday I'll make it up to her (although she's not asking for anything)

It's a rainy day..dreary and dull....so I think Sean and I are going to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie this afternoon. I don't seem to have any mojo today either :(

Have a great day~~

Keep Smilin'

Blog Hop Winners...and...more tests done...

2010-06-15T16:54:00.003-04:00

The Scrap~tures Blog Hop winners have been posted on the blog..check out the link in the side bar to see if you are a winner or not~~~

Went for my MRI yesterday...and let me just say...those big city hospitals that deal with cancer patients all the time have the compassion of a big old ape...they seem so primitive. In Owen Sound when I had the first one, they have ear phones that play whatever kind of music you want to try and muffle the extremely loud noises the machine makes. They continually talk to you, telling you how long the next set of images are going to take and if you have to lay on your stomach (with breast MRI's you do) they cover the metal part of the bed in padding and a terry towel. They did half the images while I was on my back, the other half on my stomach.

At Mt Sinai...they give you ear plugs which do absolutely nothing....they don't say anything the entire time...so you have no idea how long it's going to take, I was laying on my stomach the entire time (aprox 30 minutes) with my breast bone laying on the hard cold metal of the bed...I might as well have lay on a 2 x 4. I can't believe they don't do something to make patients more comfortable...but with any luck, I won't have to have anymore of them there...I'll do my follow ups all in Barrie..where I'm hoping is more like Owen Sound~~

This morning I called about Sean's ultra sound and they said he could come today at 12:30pm...so HALT on breakfast...as he's better to not have eaten or drank anything (he had a tea, but they said that was ok) and booked it in Meaford...so away we go again (190kms round trip) They took a lot of pictures, his kidney's , liver, spleen, bladder among I'm sure lots of other parts...so...hopefully they WON'T find anything and it's just an ulcer...it's a little scary thinking something could be wrong with him when there is already something wrong with me.

It's pretty expensive to get sick .....by the end of June..parking this year so far will have cost us $205 and we'll have driven over 3700 km's just for medical reasons. Believe me I wish I drove a smart car..hahahahahahahahaha
Now , of course this will all come in handy on our taxes..but considering Sean's disability is non taxable, it won't do him any good and I need to get working so I can pay taxes so I can claim this stuff back...otherwise it won't do me any good either~ Oy, what a vicious cycle!!

Well, my go..time to fix dinner...have a wonderful day and remember.........

Keep Smilin'

Never a dull moment!!!

2010-06-13T12:08:00.004-04:00

So last night, I took Sean to emerg ...he had severe stomach pains...and for him to not be able to handle it..it was bad. He has a very high pain tolerance...so I knew when he couldn't take it anymore it was time to get it checked (but boy is he stubborn LOL )
He's had chronic heartburn for months...I've been bugging him to get it checked so finally last week when he had a check up with his doctor about his back, we mentioned it. The doctor gave him a pill which for the most part was working. Last night they gave him some really yucky pink stuff to drink which helped a little bit..so the doctor gave him a stronger medicine ...and is sending him for an ultra sound. He says it's one of two things...an ulcer or his gall bladder. We are pretty sure it's an ulcer as the stuff helped him last night and he's feeling a little better today.
Besides...with the stress that has happened in our lives in the last two years...an ulcer seems pretty likely. SO...no alcohol, spicy foods, fatty foods...hmmm...guess that leaves salads with no dressing...BORING...but better then something more serious!!

I was going to upload a couple recent layouts but for some reason it's not working..I've done it twice and when it says 'done' there are no images...gotta love technology...oh well..you'll just have to wait hahahahahahaha

Tomorrow is MRI day at Mt. Sinai in Toronto...this will determine exactly how well the tumor responded to the chemo...but I can tell you, I don't even think I can feel it anymore...so I'd say it responded well!!!

Have a wonderful day

Keep Smilin'

B.O.M (Book Of Me)

2010-06-09T12:37:00.003-04:00

I've never considered doing one...until now. Sophie at Lovebug Scrapbooking has posted a challenge to do a BOM the size of a deck of cards ...Here is the info..

Are you up to a year-long project? Some time ago, there was this discussion about ATC's and what we can use them for... I told you I had a special project for you... Now it's time to start it! It'll take you 10-15 minutes every week. At the end, you'll have a very special and artistic Book of Me (because you are important and because future generations will want to know who you are, I think it is essential that you create at least a BOM in your scrapbooker life!). For this, you'll need a deck of cards (or Bazzill cut to playing card size, or whatever size you want). A regular playing card is 2.5X3.5". You'll also need a storing place for them. You can create a felt or fabric pocket (4X5") or repurpose a small box. Because each card will be thicker than the original playing card, you'll need something larger than the original case! Each week (on Sundays), I'll write a challenge for you to use on your card. I'll make sure you have a BOM theme, and will try to pair it with a technical challenge. You'll be free to create the style of ATC cards you want. It is *your* BOM, so it has to show part of who you are! You can use, or not, pictures on the card. It's more of an artsy project than a typical scrapbooking project.

So here's mine for week 1...

Click HERE to see this weeks challenge

I'm hoping to be able to keep up all year. They really don't take very much time at all, but this summer will prove interesting with everything going on with me...but here's hoping~

Keep Smilin'

Great mail day :)

2010-06-08T14:29:00.002-04:00

Back in May I entered a couple photo's in a contest at Lovebug and my photo was chosen as the one most people liked..you can check it out here
Today I received the RAK from Carla...gotta love good mail :)

I also found out today, that I won a grab bag of Prima's from Lovebug as well for doing challenges during their last crop..how cool is that..can't wait to get those..a girl can simply not have too many flowers..(just don't ask DH hahahahahaha)

I also received a birthday card in the mail from my good friend Paulette....well she put me to tears..good tears,..but tears just the same. Inside was a GC to Scrap~tures. I'm just speechless at the generosity of my scrappy friends...I just have no words to describe it..other then there is no bigger heart then that of a scrapbooker~~Thank you so much Paulette...you are the best~

Keep Smilin'

Just 'T'

Weekends are simply the best!!

*Warning* Vent enclosed

The Difference A Year Can Make

The Results Are In.........

How Far Would You Go?

WOOOHOOOOO ONLINE CROP!!!

Hurry Up & Wait...again

Back To Routine..

2012 ~ A New Year~

That's it...Done

So..I made the call..

Hello You, Me Again

no patience for waiting...

Wow, hard to believe

Monkey always on your back.......

We Did It!!!

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm

Nope, not getting easier

Lots Of Changes Happening!!

Wow, It's August already!!!

Happy Anniversary

This is simply adorable

Where does the time go..

Rampin up!!!

Here He Is!!!!!

I'm officially a grandmother :)

Won't Be Long Now

Still Waiting!!

I'm so honoured, and completely humbled...

2011 : A Great Year!

So There You Have It...

Another 5K down...

aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Scrap~tures April Blog Hop!!!

The Training Has Begun!!

I feel good.......

So there you have it....

When does it get easier?

I officially suck as a parent

Yah, it's Friday!!

So, we are giving it one more try....

Free Scrap~tures Scrapbook Kits!!

Do you ever get the feeling..

Hellooooooo :)

Things Just Keep Getting Better!

It's Treatment Week

All Grown Up!

I Wanna Be A Bear!!!

One Month Gone in 2011

The Winner of the Rak...

Scrap~tures Birthday Celebration Blog Hop

Woohooooooooo some good news!!

So, I found out my new grandbaby.....

One Little Word

Exciting Things at Scrap~tures!!

I have a NEW blog!!

Boxing Day..2010

Merry Christmas!

1 Year ago today....

Exciting happenings at Scrap~tures!!

The New Me!!!!!!!!!!!

4 Month Survivor!!!!!!!!

Off to Toronto...

Sore cheeks and tummies...

Hello...Is it me your looking for???

Hello All!!

Burn baby burn!

Step 3 complete......

Wow, you look good...

Almost Over...at least this step

The pics I promised...

MIA again...

4 down, 17 to go...

1 down 20 to go...

First Day of School......yayyyyyyyyyy

Day One..........

More Thank You's...

Soggy Weekend...

The results are in...

Warning Vent enclosed